On E Readers and technological panic.

I was reading around (I lost the link) and came upon yet another article hand wringing about ereaders and ebooks being the death of the paper book.

When I see these arguments almost invariably it comes down to, this is not what I want to do and NOBODY SHOULD.

Since I got a kindle for Christmas it occurs to me that people are really freaking out over nothing.

Rarely do I see any of the panicking ebook freakouts acknowledge how much more accessible a lot of books are for a lot of people.

Let’s talk cost first of all.

I have a metric ton of .99 cent and free books on my kindle. Some of them I got for shits and giggles, some were on sale and others on a whim. Frankly I do not make enough money to read everything I want. And at this point libraries don’t fully serve my needs.

Also it has meant that when I can’t afford the hardcover or first print of a paperback I have other options which is great.

And unfortunately a lot of the critique of ebooks/readers is pretty ableist.

What about people who can’t see well? Elderly people? What about the other functions so many ereaders can do?

I was talking about this with someone who is severely dyslexic and they have an app that reads to them. Hell yeah that means they now have access to ALL the books rather than a few.

Why would that ever be bad?

Then there’s the whole question of “quality”.

I hate that question.

Who cares really if someone wants to read Sasquatch porn on their ereader. It’s not my cup of tea but if someone wants to read it, awesome they are reading.

A lot of it seems like empty fapping while moaning about how awful something one personally might not be into is.

It reminds me of when writers thought that the ease of indie publishing and blogging etc would let in the dirty heathens without publishing deals.

I was recently reminded of this by one of those hand wringing articles about how awful literature is where the deeply coded language basically said OH NO WHERE ARE THE WHITE MEN.

I just kind of shake my head.

I am really can’t get behind such panicked signs of change. The lit world can’t be only those who are let in forever.

It is so vast, I do actually believe it is big enough for everyone.

I always just want to pat people and tell them to calm down. Literature is gonna be okay. It might not be the literary canon you are used to but that’s good for folks.

Oh also soon I have lots of writing news, AND a round up of books and stuff that I am really excited about.

To that end if y’all have stuff you want me to read or want promoted drop the link here.


Changes, making room and freaking out.

It has been a weird month already.

A lot of things are happening good and bad.

The good.

I will now be writing for two different websites on the regular. More news when I get some shit done.

I’m doing some grown up freelance writing things that I’ve not done before and it scares the poop out of me.

Also okay so I’ve gotten some really nice feedback and things and I am freaking out.

I’ve mentioned it before but sometimes when good things happen I panic real hard.

Right now I’m almost vibrating with anxiety and I can’t settle down.

The other day I was vibrating with anger (I’ll talk about it in one of the aforementioned mags.) over some really bullshit things that have been said to and about me because of my Luna Luna piece.  Beyond the anger my fucking feelings were trampled on. There will be more about that but it’s sitting on me and it’s real heavy.

While I am feeling overwhelmed and happy but freaked out here are some links.

Obligatory self promo here. The new Self Care book is selling and people are learning ALL THE THINGS. You can too.

Okay I am pretty much out of go so I’m going to go make some tea, calm the fuck down and try to get some more work put in.

 


A Meditation on Why my Work is “Exclusionary”

So last night some dude went through a lot of this wee blog and then a lot of my work.

Brought in by searching a porny term.

So Dudebro was upset by my work and after a long time (also a note, I use stat counters and I know how to examine my logs) he sent me a lengthy hand spank of a note to explain to me that my work is Exclusionary.

Ahem.

And because said Dudebro was not Dude enough to use a valid email address here is my response.

After reading a bunch of my posts here and referencing things I have said about Whiteness and Dude Whiteness he said:

 

You will never be successful if you continue to exclude people like me based on race. You are note practicing what you preach and should examine your motives.

Short answer is fuck you, fuck your mother, fuck your dog and fuck your cow.

Long answer.

Given that Dudebro demonstrated a superficial understanding of social justice flavored terminology let me break it down for you real simple like.

Everything in the fucking world is geared for you hetero White Dudebro.

Literary canon, SF/F, TV, Advertising everything.

In case you missed it either on my Author page or any number of things you read, I am not a White person.

That being what it is, I have made a serious conscious decision not to write to cater to you.

You can kiss the entirety of my fat Black ass with your condescension and racist sexist shit. Take your “discomfort” and jam it far enough up your ass to tickle your prostate. If my “success” (I can only read that as meaning having Dudebros like yourself buying my work) depends on you, I’ll take epic spectacular flaming failure.

You do not own everything. I realize that the state of affairs in the world might lead you to think otherwise. I understand that everything up until you found my little corner of the internet whilst looking for some porn with tiny asses, reinforces the notion that you are entitled to have everything cater to you.

My bit of work is not for you.

If you can’t enjoy something that is not made specifically for someone like you or outside of your own experience I am not for you.

There are forty seven billion other people you could read.

There are millions of other people you could spend hours running down and bothering.

Get the fuck out of my yard with that bullshit.

So everybody else.

This is why it can be hard to get a hold of me on the internet. I am fairly certain that because I am not internet or otherwise famous, and am clearly just one indie author toiling away in relative obscurity I make a good target.

I am in as far as publishing goes a bit of a vulnerable position.

I appear to be in the place where if I wanted to really be accepted by Whiteness and Dudebros like this, I would really need to watch what I say and take in this type of “criticism”.

I’m not.

I don’t give a hot fuck.

I am 37 goddamn years old.

I have dealt with a lot of shit.

I have no real fear from random assholes who are so brave to battle the evil SJW who has the audacity to tell Whiteness and men no. I did not freak out when the dude a few weeks ago threatened to dox me and “ruin my writing career”. I did not freak out and backtrack because this Dudebro felt hurt that my work does not reflect his idea of what the world is.

So can we make it official.

I don’t give a fuck if anybody really believes that the way I survive in the literary world means I am not trying to impress every Dudebro that searches for fap material on the internet.

I don’t give a fuck if every Dudebro ever is hurt because my worlds, my work, does not reflect their world.

I do not give a fuck if after said fapping, the Dudebro feels weird because the story was kinda gay.

I do not give a fuck if this means that the publishing world decides it doesn’t want me.

Seriously.

I keep saying it.

So officially.

Dox me, show up at my fucking house and I will call you an ambulance.

Call my employer and tell them what a big ole nasty freak I am and I’m sure our lawyers will have a talk with your local PD about harassment.

Do not come for me because I don’t write for you. If you don’t like it, shut this shit down and move the fuck on.

Do not come for me because it gives you a woody to tell off the SJW.

Do not come for me because you have a weird kinda gay boner.

Do not come for me asking for free fap material. This epussy is too expensive for you.

Leave me alone.

It’s not that hard.

Further communication from this Dudebro or any others who don’t like all my Blackness, Queerness or not here for your shitness will be ignored and don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.


Liebster Award

I got tagged by the folks from Hessian With Teeth (which is a great fucking name by the way) so here we go.

First 11 things about me:

  1. One of the reasons I have not yet finished a novel is that I am afraid I can’t do it. I’m working on it.
  2. I really love bugs. I am very into insects because when I was a tween I read a book with a forensic entomologist and have been obsessed since. My favorites are moths of varying species, very large beetles and Madagascar Cockroaches. I love them all so much I plan to get insect themed tattoos on my chest.
  3. I am very into beauty and make up. I love wearing, writing about, researching and wallowing in it. Between you and I was not interested until I figured out how to deal with beauty ideals on my own terms. In other words I figured out fuck em. I have my own ideas about beauty and will indulge myself as I see fit.
  4. We know I’m deep into self care. For me it is a means of survival and I try to treat myself like a fucking queen at every opportunity.
  5. I also really fucking love sharks. Shark week is the best week on TV and I NEEDED megalodon to be real. Like I squee like a cracked out five year old when I see anything about sharks. See this meme I tend to yell that at the tv when shark shows are on: shark
  6. I not so secretly kind of melt/shutdown when really good things are going/happening I get really scared and I want to curl up like a potato bug and freak out. I”m trying to not but it’s hard.
  7. I am a musical fanatic. I listen to a whole lot of music and I can nerd out about musical things for hours. My favorite is connecting music with influences and stuff.
  8. When I am sad or uncomfortable or otherwise need to soothe myself I sing. I love to sing and sometimes have a nice voice. Taking voice lessons to learn to sing properly is on my bucket list. I am a natural tenor and like to sing swing music the most. Although I dream of having a big balls metal voice
  9. I am really very into the idea of living in a large space but I don’t actually want to own property.
  10. Most of the TV I watch is murder. Forensics shows, murdery mystery, recreations. I dunno why but I find it soothing.
  11. Holy shit I’m bad at these.

Now onto their questions.

ur questions for them are:

1) What convinced you to start blogging?

I started blogging a really long time ago. First just for fun and to write down my adventures. And then in the last I dunno six years or so I’ve used blogging as a way to learn how o write non fiction.

2) Do you volunteer? For what cause and why?

I suppose my other blog is volunteerism. I do it because I care about folks. I don’t have the spoons to do a lot of in person stuff but I do what I can for stuff like body politics, sex ed, I will pass along beneficial information to people and stuff.

3) Do you consider yourself an activist?

Yes.

4) What is your favorite genre to read?

JEEZE uh. I don’t actually have one. I go through moods where I read one obsessively until I need a break. Currently I’m reading a lot of memoirs and fantasy.

5) Who is your favorite author and what is your favorite book by them?

I have a lot of favorites. I reread a lot of Selby.

6) If you could spend the day with any well-known figure (alive or dead), who would it be and why?

Uh.  I am not sure. NEXT QUESTION.

7) What truths, if any, do you hold as self evident? Why?

I believe that the world can be better because it has to be.

8) Do you attend any conferences? If so, which ones any why?

I went to my first one this year. It was way more intense than I expected and I had a series of massive panic attacks, almost pooped my pants (YAY anxiety) but I did a reading and it was great. I also met Roxane Gay and she was super nice to me. I sort of stared at Kyle Minor and then ran away. I met some folks, I did an anonymous postcard exchange, I won some swag and came home with a bag full of journals and things. And a free pen from Cimarron Review and they were very nice. I am hoping to try it again better prepared.

9) What is your dream job?

Writer, freak (as in body modded weirdo), oddities collector, maker.

10) If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?

I would make it easier to get people to use their critical thinking skills and understand context.

11) If you could make a movie, what would it be about and who would be in it?

I would like to make a horror movie with an all POC cast and my own version of the vampire mythos.

~

Okay I’m not tagging people cause I”m a rebel and I’m nursing a migraine hangover.

Other folks should do these.

Um.

OH righty right. I need to get grinding on submissions I only have three out right now and that feels funny to me. I’m ready.

Later I’m gonna talk about some really amazing stuff.

So go do stuff. Answer these questions in the comments with links and stuff.

GO GO GO.

Also head over to my etsy shop (link in the sidebar on your right) and buy stuff. Baby needs some new holes in her face.


My new book is here!!

selfcare

 

I overshot my initial publication date but it is done and massive.

Here is my promo blurb:

Brand new and bigger and badder. This is your guide to how to start self caring.This is self care for the rest of us. If you need help, if you need a voice of reason here I am my friend. This is more than 30,000 words of advice about everything from what to do when you’re constipated, to how to manage taking care of your body when your self esteem isn’t so great. Also advice for people with gender feels, some advice about skin care, self health checks and much more.

This is for you, this is for all of us. Regardless of your gender, your body size or shape, if you are able bodied or disabled, if you are chronically ill, if you’re gay or asexual it is for you. Come on homies. Let’s go for a ride.

As a bonus, if you missed the original version of the book, I have included a download link at the end where you can get V1.0. That is TWO BOOKS full of ALL THE THINGS.

And as a special thank you to everyone here, after purchase you will get a coupon that is good through the end of June for 10% off when you spend two dollars.

Click the photo or click here to get your Self Care on.

And if you can’t afford to buy that is TOTALLY OKAY. Signal boost this post, pin it to pinterest, share it on facebook.

Holy shit.

I am so glad I finished it and I love it.

I hope you love it.

 


So many things.

So I wrote a thing and Lisa over at Luna Luna magazine published it.

In a matter of about ten minutes after I posted it I was inundated with angry White Lady Tears.

And then while I was on my way to work I dropped my protein/snack bar thingy, I lost one of my beloved 8g steel swan earrings AND I am having major sinus issues right now.

On the other hand.

I got a book in a book giveaway, the other responses to my piece at Luna Luna have been fucking awesome. Lisa made me feel super welcome and I can’t explain how much I appreciate that.

Self Care Like a Boss V2.0 is about set to launch tomorrow and I am SUPER excited about what I have done.

Someone I admire a lot who does not internet a whole lot, said some stuff about my work last night that just- y’all. I sat at my desk at work trying to fight back tears while beautiful things were being said to me and it was great.

I’m a little overwhelmed that really great writing things are going on, that is just part of my personality.

So to keep myself from having a melt down or panic attack (WHO the fuck has happiness panic attacks? I have had enough of myself right now) I am going to do the finishing bits on V2.0. Get the cover ready. Write up the listing.

And okay here are some links.

Y’all know I love me some Mensah and he has teamed up with Literary Orphans for an all Black issue of LO. Go check out the call black folks. No I’m serious. Lynx and a few others of you I know are lurking. GET ON THAT. Also FYI the background of this page moves around and there is an autoplay so be prepared.

Go listen to this interview with the magnificent Antonia Crane.

Um okay that’s all for right now I have so much work to do and my face hurts.

Later taters.


On Gut Wrenching, blogging and whatnot.

Lately I feel like the gut wrenching has taken over my creative life.

I feel like pain and awful have eclipsed too much.

I said this on facebook a bit ago but sometimes the things I am moved to write just hurt my heart.

So I’m going to not do that right now.

I just (see over here) wrote my contribution to the #yesallwomen tag and it honestly burned. It hurts. I don’t want to anymore. Saturday I kind of proverbially ran around the internet looking for relief. Babies, puppies, fashion, shoes, boobs, things written by women I love. I felt like I was just grabbing at every straw of non awful I could find.

I felt panicky and manic about it.

I feel better today.

Today I wrote my thing and then I spent about fifteen minutes clearing hate messages from this wee blog, my youtube channel etc. I’m settled down with tea and threatened my friend Mensah with my aggressive hugging attack.

Hey Hessians, I will do the thing tomorrow.

Right now I want to remember how to roll around in goodness.

I had a really great talk with a very old friend about some of my recent new work.  He’s known me and my work for (holy shit) almost 20 years and the fact that without me asking he talked to me about the change in the tone and scope of my work made me feel really great. There is something so valuable to me to have peers who have that kind of overview.

I have also talked with my wifey and thought heavily about what are my goals?

I want to figure out how to balance the tear my guts out non fiction with lighter less angst filled non fiction.

I want to get back to writing the kind of horror I like to read.

I want to work out how I feel about mainstream publishing and swinging for the fences in regard to where I try to get published.

I have been working really hard. I have started a practice of keeping notes on things I want to write about when they occur to me. I’m writing more in my paper notebook. I’m reading a bit more widely and I’m remembering to nurture what I am good at and what makes me feel like I am doing something as a writer.

I am working very hard to nurture myself to the next point rather than bully myself.

It’s kinda working.

Okay now I am off to start getting V2.0 really together and to read some things that make me feel good. I suggest you go do the good thing for yourselves as well.


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