Flapping my Chicken wings.

So okay.

I’m in the midst of stretching my little chicken wings and trying to put together a series of articles to pitch to an online magazine for money.

Have you ever watched a chicken try to fly? Some can fly, some only think they can and others run around in crooked circles flapping and squawking in increasing distress.

I am in the last category.

I am nervous about embarking on a small bit of real grown up freelance work if I get it.

My main reasons for this are as follows:

1. I am growing increasingly stressed out from dayjob things, financial worries (summer is always super tight money wise), things I need to work on said freelance/grown up authors things and their cost.
2. Circumstances beyond my control.

The thing with the financial problems is this.

While I’m not the wee impoverished writer I was a decade ago but, I am the breadwinner in my household.

That is a whole other set of holy shit.

Over the years I still haven’t learned how to balance out the real costs of writing (time, equipment etc) with keeping my household in good food and health.

I really am struggling with this right now y’all. It’s making me feel terribly anxious and upset.

The thing is that my home computer is really on her last legs. Cunty Beast (her name) has been my faithful companion for ten years of rebuilds.  When I thought i wanted to go into IT Cunty and I spent a lot of the time disassembled on the floor together. The only thing original on her is the floppy drive and the case. I’ve reinstalled windows XP a few times, I’ve learned to make XP run like I want it to but, really it’s time for her to retire.

Which leads me to a confession.

I still haven’t purchased a Chrome book. the people who donated to my tattoo birthday fund kindly didn’t want their money back. I withdrew it from gofundme and bills happened. An unusually high electric bill because it got so cold in our place. We learned this year that when the apartment below us is empty in the winter our heating bill goes way up.

So blablablabla.

I had to use my computer money to pay bills and buy food.

So while I am not on the cusp of let’s take a whole saturday and take buses around to every foodbank we think might serve us, I am firmly in the poor folks place where spending even 150$ on the cheapest chromebook could mean that we have to eat dollar store food for most of the month or our cell phones might be cut off.

Me being me with my particular set of anxieties, I start trying to figure out how to hustle more money up so I don’t feel so guilty and shitty for spending out of the household budget on things not necessary for survival.  When I was younger this usually took the form odd sex work. Personal photos for a foot fetishist, phone sex,  at one point I sold cheeky grainy webcam shots of my ass to old British men.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve done surveys o the internet, auctioned off things. Sometimes I do shit like this (the link is me writing tiny kind of dumb articles for fractions of pennies). At one time my health was good enough for me to just take ALL of the overtime hours.

I cut financial corners. I don’t buy X things.  blablabla.

Basically I’m in a place where creating is hard because there is so much shit that falls to me to take care of and I just don’t know how to balance all these things out.

How do I handle this stress and be able to write AND try to do something to better the financial situation?

I’m lost.

At sea.

My chicken wings are getting tired and I just want to lay down.

I want to be back in that place where I can write my sometimes nifty stories and not be so consumed by all the other stuff.

Fuck.

 

Drudgery of Writers work.

I am in the middle of the drudgery of writing.

Cleaning up my rejection pile/excel sheet.

Checking how long whatever pieces have been out.

Sent two queries and one  withdrawal.

Checking some zines for updates.

Pining for an answer, even a fuck off stop talking to us type answer.

I seem to have a penchant for submitting to zines when they mysteriously stop updating their online presences.

I’m following tumblrs, liking facebook pages. Checking out some recommended stuff.

I’ve done some necessary research.

Written a short poet statement. I may actually put that here if I get rejected from there. It’s true enough.

What I’m not doing right now is writing.

I’m too keyed up from a bullshit 2 hour commute. Cat calls, creepy old men thinking I’m a hooker. Police activity in my neighborhood.

But this is part of doing it.

This is grinding. This is the shit I don’t always enjoy. But it’s necessary.

I’ve been considering pitching my first thing and I’m honestly in fucking knots about it. I’m not sure if I want to write the things and stuff first. I think that might make me feel better.

How about some stats?

According to Duotrope:

OVERALL	FICTION	POETRY	NON-FIC
Pending Submissions:	9	4	3	2
Sent Past 12 Months:	51	34	10	7
Sent This Month:	6	2	3	1
Acceptance Ratio:	37.5%*	35.7%*	50%*	25%*

I’m fairly pleased with how things are going. I need to get some stuff finished and get it out into the wild.

Gotta drive down that acceptance ratio one rejection at a time.

According to my spreadsheet with this last withdrawal I’m at #76. Race you to 100, When I get there I’ll post the whole list.

Now if y’all will excuse me I feel gross and stinky. I’m going to bathe and read.

Later this week I have some ruminations about editing, writing and modern expectations of the super educated mystery author and how that is not really my jam.

Also I’m probably going to kvell all over you about something really cool that someone I admire said to me.

That’s all. Goodnight folks.

Further notes on the care and feeding of the Writer.

It has come to our attention that more notes on the care and feeding of The Author are necessary for optimal output, Author happiness and caretaker sanity.

As the season changes the caretaker may notice a change in the behavior of The Author. Typically any of the following:

• Increased mumbling.
• Wriggling.
• Moaning that may or may not sound like mooing.
• Raging about pollen, trees, flowers and nature.
• Sniffling.
• Larger intake of water.
• Shearing of body hair.

All of the above may be signs of Allergies.

Author is often unable to produce when itchy from head to toe, sniffling or congested.

Caretaker is to immediately administer strong antihistamines. Note, The Author will be elated for a half hour with relief and slowly succumb to the dreaded Benedryl drunkenness. Things the Caretaker may see, please do not be alarmed.

• The Author may start listing to one side or another in her chair.
• The Author may start talking all manner of shit about everything.
• The Author may stare glassy eyed at everything.

Do not panic!

The Author must be put into bed or if already in bed told to Go the Fuck to sleep.

Dear Caretakers take heart. Once the allergies have settled into manageable annoyance, allow Author to roam freely.

Also as the weather improves the Author will appear in patently ridiculous states of undress once inside. Naked with socks on, cardigan and no panties, tank top and no panties, bra and socks, leopard print snuggie over nakedness. Again, do not be alarmed. The Author is closely related to certain species of reptiles and has a hard time maintaining body heat. Ignore unless The Author sneaks and closes windows or cranks the heat. It is permissible to spank the Authors hand or to put a blanket on her.

Intrepid Caretakers may want to have any of the following on hand to soothe the Author as she sashays through allergies and Springtime:

• Hot tea
• Red (never yellow or green, both will cause Author to become unreasonable) Gatorade.
• Crackers.
• Tortilla chips and her own bowl or jar of salsa.
• Large salads with meat, cheese and many vegetables.
• Fine smelling luxurious bath items.
• Unguents in the form of butters, oils, lotions and balms.
• A variety of hearty lip balms.
• Dark roasted coffees and her own personal French Press and her cup.

A word to wise Caretakers. Do not take some of her tirades personally. The Author flunked sharing in kindergarten and might try to stab you with a fork or pen if you try to use her goodies or eat her snacks. This period of crabby toddlerhood will pass with the Spring and the Author will return to her sweet stabby self in time.

And as a gentle reminder Caretakers, The Author does not come with batteries, sexual favors, perkiness, or stable moods.

God speed.

And good luck.

 

 

Things I would like to be better at.

Before I get into that, guess what?

You can go buy the new issue of Thuglit with a story by yours truly inside, for kindle (which you can read on your phone or your pc or your actual kindle..fuck yeah technology) for just 99 cents dudes. You can get it in print too. Go check it out here and here’s a bite from my story:

Kiki the Killer was the kind of girl you saw in videos. Dark brown skin, a few scattered tattoos, long braids and a big, high, round, proud ass that she knew what to do with.

The four of them were as rapt as the rest of the crowd.
“Aw shit man, I’d hit that raw dog.”

Also let me mention that Todd did an amazing edit on that story. Another example of why I need a very good editor with a sharp eye.

Oh also if you visit my official author website, you can see all my new work. 

Okay.

While I will say that yes, my editing skills have improved by huge bounds over the years. I wish I was a better editor.  one of my problems is that (no I don’t want to talk about it in depth kthnks) I have a bit of a learning disability and at some point editing just gets too hard for me to do. Being that I did not have the opportunity to deal with it when I was a kid, I have learned to deal with it as best I can but sometimes y’all, some times I just can’t and it’s really frustrating.

Along with that, I do have very bad vision issues and occasionally when I’m overworking myself I plain just can’t see to properly edit.

Also something I can’t really do a lot about.

When I was teaching myself to edit, somehow I got the idea that I should slash and burn. No actually let me put it this way. I did not edit my work so much as I raped, pillaged and burnt it like some kind of conquering mother fucker with emotional problems.

Part of that habit came about because (as you have probably noticed) I am a wordy windbag. I always have been. I recall very vividly having adults tell me as a child that I had a bulky vocabulary and I was not afraid to flex it.  Then along came teachers who were very strict about word counts on things thus, the hack and slash was born.

I have since developed a system for editing. I write a thing, I put said thing away from 1 week to a month. I print out thing, read it on my commute home and make some minor adjustments. Do the best I can with my comma overuse and whatnot. Rinse repeat a few times until I feel like I’m ruining it then I put it away again and do another pass to fix editing burns and then with that done as best I can, I send it out.

So far I am actually pretty pleased with how far I’ve come in terms of dealing with my editorial issues. As they say, practice makes perfect.

Second thing.

I wish I could write on theme when I see one.

I’ve never functioned that way as an author and when I force myself to try, it sucks. However, that issue did birth my habit of having a stash of varied finished things. Occasionally, I see a theme and voila right there in my little folder(s) is just the thing.

Third.

I am working on this but I am still so fucking uncomfortable self promoting. See also my ridiculously terrible at crowd funding/asking for donations. I am so uncomfortable doing it.  Granted I am far better now. Once upon a time (maybe four years ago) I might have put up a link in my personal blog and sent a link to a few friends but that was it.  I am miles beyond where I was. This is one of those things that honestly I have to work really hard on. I have to brute force my way through feeling proud/embarrassed/like I’m being annoying to promote my work.

The point here is that sometimes I have to remind myself that I have come a long way from the days of my secret scribblings on paper that I often later burned or flushed. I have come a long way from crying into precious pint lit journals that I bought with saved up lunch money.

I wish I could go back and tell baby Shannon writer that she would get better. Some people would read her work and that it was okay to struggle and cry through it. It was okay. It felt terrible and was so fucking hard but, baby self it was worth it.

Now if y’all will excuse me.

OH wait no one more thing.

So if you tumblr you can follow this thing I made where I reblog/post visuals that I find inspiring. I honestly suggest doing something like this if you are a visually oriented type like I am. Right here. Enjoy!

Good News everyone.

Good news and some links to stuff I like.

First the news. I got my second hood noir piece into one of my favorite magazines. I’ll be appearing in the next issue of Thuglit. Out um..? I dunno, at any rate head on over to the facebooks and check them out.  If you like modern noir it is the shit.  I’m very excited about that one.

Next up you can still read my first spec. fic story over at Expanded Horizons.  I am honestly so pleased with the pieces I’ve had published so far this year and the ones coming up this summer. I like where I am driving this bus.

What else?

Okay ready for some stuff I like?

First up I picked up a copy of Mike Arnzen’s INSTIGATION: CREATIVE PROMPTS ON THE DARK SIDE.  I have been a fan of Arnzen’s work and his instigations for years now. I actually had a piece instigated by one of his prompts published quite a while ago now. The book is very entertaining. If you are someone who likes prompts that don’t involve fluffy bunnies and rainbows, pick it up.  I’ve found that for me, using prompts in a not necessarily literal fashion can really help me out if I’m feeling uninspired or just want to let myself write. This comes highly suggested. I love having this sort of thing at hand.

One of my favorite new erotic presses has a call for submissions up. Go read about it here. My personal favorite piece of information is this:

We believe that well written sexuality has no boundaries; we are looking for stories with any sexual orientation and all genders. Similarly, we are an equal opportunity publisher; we accept submissions from authors of any genders. The two limitations we have for this anthology are as follows: no underage characters who engage sexually with adults and no snuff.

I just picked up Raziel Moore‘s newest book from there.  If you like your erotica on the darker side and very well written you should check out his work. I’ve been a fan for a long time thanks to the ERWA lists.  I promise a review when I’m done reading it.

Ah, if you haven’t paid for Duotrope and are unsure about doing so, in the current issue of Poets and Writers there is a coupon code for a free month of service. Head to your local news stand, library or other place with writing mags and check it out. I forgot my print copy of the magazine at home or I’d just put it here. If you don’t have the money for a full membership here’s what I suggest. Get together some finished work, stuff you are ready to send out. Use the coupon code, submit like crazy. Also during your free month make copious notes/bookmarks for places you’re interested in submitting work to. At the end of your month you can have submissions out AND have some market research ready to go without shelling out money you might not have.

I saw this linked on facebook (Tony DuShane? I dunno, I can’t recall) and it made me chuckle. I love articles like this. 

As much as HTMLGIANT can get on my nerves, I really enjoy a lot of the book related posts. In particular this one 25 Points: American Psycho.  Just go read it I promise it’s not annoying.

This post over at the Rumpus along with some of the things linked in it (scroll down) and the whole stupid debate about whether or not confessional writing/non fiction is okay, is on my mind right now. I don’t have my thoughts together yet but I’ll probably make one of my thinky I’ve been chewing on a thing for a while posts about it soon.

If you like non fiction and you’re not reading the Brevity blog, what are you doing with y our life? You should read it, I love it. This post in particular.

Last link is this piece over at Smokelong by Venita Blackburn. It is fucking lovely. I mean it.

I think that’s all for today y’all. I am an allergy ridden mess. So let’s wrap up with my current working stats.

Duotrope says:

	OVERALL	FICTION	POETRY	NON-FIC
Pending Submissions:	10	7	2	1
Sent Past 12 Months:	47	33	8	6
Sent This Month:	1	1	0	0
Acceptance Ratio:	40%*	37.5%*	57.1%*	25%*

Not bad.

Other issues.

I am out of ready to submit work so I’m taking a couple of weeks to polish up finished items and finish up a few things. I am trying to tweak my routine a bit so I have a bit more (for my taste) flexibility and stash of items to submit as I feel fit. I am still really hoping to hit 100 rejections by mid-late summer. But as we all know one must submit like a mother fucker in order to be rejected like a mother fucker.

SO I’m getting on that.

For right now I have a pot of strong tea brewed at my left, a phone on my right and dayjob duties to attend to.

If you have links to stuff you want to share, your own work or whatever you think is interesting feel free to leave them in comments. Just don’t be spammy.

Later taters.

The Talisman. A hell of a review.

Recently I read The Talisman by Peter Straub and Stephen King.

We know I’m a King fan. I am not as big a fan of Straub just because I haven’t read enough of his work.

Short version: not bad. I enjoyed the Mythos, loved the wee hero. I loved a lot of the details of the worlds and the way King and Straub’s work mixed together.

Long version.

Oh I had issues.

The one Black character spoke in this shuck and jive patois through the whole book that just grated on me. We find Speedy quickly and he is the Magical Negro of Magical Negroes.

Folks, I can stand a little shuck and jive but not to the point of distraction. It was distracting and detracted from the rest. Even characters from the other world in this book The Territories, didn’t rely so heavily on approximations of AAVE.

The breaks for Speedy to burst into song along with the butchered AAVE was exhausting.

I love characters with their own flavor, just not that one.

Now some good things.

I loved the Wolfboy/man Wolf and the explanation of those people. One of the things I really enjoyed about this book (contrasted with Game of Thrones) is that the other (as in not average White folks) are written as lovingly and carefully as everyone else.

I was also very into the explanations/reasons for why a lot of things like distance and Twinners exist in the Territories. This is also why I loved the Dark Tower series (magical Negro Susannah included mostly, we’ll talk about that another day) is the way this world and that world overlap, intersect and differentiate. Some of the differences are subtle, some not so much and I dig it.

I read the second book in this series years ago but plan on going back to reread now that I understand the origin of it.

Also I have to mention how much I love the way King writes kids. These aren’t super kids, they are scared shitless and sometimes do selfish child things and I love that. If you’re going to put a child character in a horrifying situation, I’d prefer to see them be a kid rather than be tiny Superman.

Being that this was written in 1984 I think I can cut both authors some slack about the Magical Negro thing. Fact is, of all the horror novels I read as a kid, King books at least tried. So daps for that.

As a consequence of me reading more genre fiction than I have in the last few years, I find myself frequently at a loss and just kind of shaking my head.

Here’s the thing. If you have written a novel in the last decade and you come from America, you have probably seen various sorts of Black folks. You can put them in your stories and the world won’t end. Yes it can be hard work and yes you will come across readers like me who might raise an eyebrow at your gun toting, pants sagging Yo MTV raps caricature if that’s what you’re doing. but you might do it well.

Give it a shot it’s not that hard.

What else did I like?

I like how King and Straub built a vernacular for The Territories. I am a huge fan of authors who can do this and not have it come across as silly or otherwise unbelievable. The reader learns as the hero Jack learns and I appreciate it. Some things go unexplained but it’s not hard to figure out.

I will say that most of the women in this book are not that interesting by themselves. The part they play in the plot is interesting but as standalone characters they aren’t great. You have your Mommies, your sad bar slut type and a few others none very interesting.

Other good things.

The pacing is fantastic. Yes it goes on a lot, if you’re a fan of getting to the point you will probably not like it. If you don’t mind detours into other places that don’t necessary need to be there to move the plot along, you’ll dig it. I dig it. I love that.

Also, as with most King books I do love how there are bits and pieces that call to his other work. Let me say AGAIN how much I would love to look back in 30 years and see some of that in my own work. It’s like an Easter Egg for hardcore long time fans.

So at the bottom of it, it’s a good book. It’s a nice yarn with some surprises and excellent world building. Some of it is really annoying if you have my sensibilities but, I’m not mad.

That’s all.

My first Spec Fic publication.

I am so excited.

The little story that could, Calling Oshun is up at Expanded horizons now. Read it here.

I am extraordinarily pleased and excited about this particular publication for several reasons.

I wrote Calling Oshun a few years ago and workshopped it in a fairly casual manner.

The only real criticisms of the story weren’t really of the story or the structure, it was the use of an “esoteric” (read not White) deity.

Several writers and editors have at one point or another recommended I change it to a more known (Green or Roman) goddess to make the story “accessible”.

That was one of the first instances where I was told that in order to get a story published I would have to basically Whitewash it.

I was so frustrated and upset and hurt.

So I put the story away for a while.

I did do a version with a Greek Goddess and the story was ruined. I went back to the original and submitted it about 8 times before it got accepted. Some editors who sent personal rejections thought it was beautiful but not something their readers would “get”.

That is what I’m talking about when I talk about some of the frustrations of being a writer of color who writes about people of color.

This story was one of the first times I was angry enough to work to get it published without the Whitewashing and I must say I am very proud of myself. The editors over there got my point exactly and I was honestly almost in tears when I talked about it with one of the editors.

It is the first time I have felt that kind of deep gratification of my first instincts.  Being welcomed by other people of color and having that feeling of acceptance and understanding that is so rare in the literary world.

Once upon a time someone I really admire gave me the best writing advice I have ever gotten. He told me that my strength and success would be in writing the stories only I can tell in ways that only I can tell them.

So here is a tidbit.

“He is beautiful as fine polished ebony, his eyes closed his wide mouth stretched and magnificent, his voice transcends all. In his voice is the rumble of thunder from my long ago homeland:”

Head here to read the whole thing.

In other news I updated my website a bit. I still have to pull some out of print links off of it. I’ll probably reprint those stories here for free. I’ll be back next week to talk about some of the really good shit I’ve been reading lately, my erotic chapbook project and some other stuff.