I have to try.

One of the goals I’ve set for myself this year is to be less shy when interacting with other people in the literary community.

When I was in my late teens/early 20’s I spent some time doing the poetry reading thing. I did it as much as I could stand, up until I saw one too many Beat poet knock offs and got asked one too many times why I didn’t have a “slam” style (because you know, black girl must be doing slam poetry..it’s a rule) etc. I stopped doing it.

I didn’t read often. I remember I had to force myself to do it and often left right after I was finished.

Over the years I haven’t gotten over that shyness.

It’s not necessarily that I’m not confident in what I write. No, not every word that comes out of my mouth is gold and that’s okay. I don’t know where exactly it comes from or what to do about it but bully through.

To the end of making myself be less shy I’ve decided that I’m going to go and participate in some literary event of some sort. What? I have no idea.

I have managed to comment here and there using my writing site and this page as my link Hi folks coming from comments. That seems like such a small thing but it’s been a huge one for me. Something that’s been so hard because I often feel like I have no voice or no reason to use my voice in those places for X million reasons.

I’m trying though.

I’m not sure what I’m saying here exactly. I feel like I need to keep talking about these things to remind myself that these are the things I’m working on.

Now.

I have serious work to do.

Two of my last rejections were completely my own stupid fault. I loved the little story so much I sent it around twice and way too early. I have done some revisions and a bit later on today will send it back out.

I currently have 5 submissions outstanding. Two non fiction, three fiction.

One of the fiction submissions is the little story that no one likes. I love it. I”m going to keep sending it around until someone likes it.

I also have the rewrites on my tiny essay done and will go about sending that around today as well.

And here are some links to go read.

Go read this by Roxane Gay about self publishing at HTMLGIANT. I’ll talk more about why it was really relevant to me this week later.

Go read/listen to this story by James O’Brien over at Pank.

Also go read ‘Proof of Use‘ by Remittance Girl. It’s fucking gorgeous. She is fucking gorgeous.

I think that’s all for now. Time to put in some work.

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