Today I told myself I would do one of the writing related tasks I loathe.
Query notes about submissions that have been out far longer than is usual for some publications.
Given that I like every other writer every am such a special and delicate snowflake, I feel like my little hey please tell me if you hate my story emails are somehow- shit I don’t know giving the go ahead for editors to say, fuck that noise shut her down.
Irrational, yes I know it is but I still feel that way.
The other thing is that for the last six months or so every submission that has gone overlong, has apparently been debated amongst editors. For instance my story ‘Bloody Knuckles’.
That story was eventually published at The Flash Fiction Offensive but prior to that, it had been rejected a lot.
One publication loved the way it was written, they loved my language etc but, were really uncomfortable with the racism and violence. Fair enough. The editor for that particular rejection was kind enough to mention that the issue was fairly hotly debated.
That kind of thing has happened to me quite a bit.
As a result I’ve developed a bit of a superstition I guess. I don’t want to fuck with it.
If I’m going to be fancy and honest I can say with some confidence that a big part of my reluctance to email editors and others is a result of childhood damage I’ve not dealt with very well. It boils down to major anxiety about “bothering” others. There’s a lot to the story but I don’t feel like showing my emotional ass right now.
I’m trying to say that this is a small part of a really serious and huge issue for me.
Personal interaction freaks my shit right out.
To sum up. A large part of the world has seen my naked ass but talking to people freaks me out. So if I don’t talk to you it’s not that I don’t like you. I probably really do I’m just a shy freaked out person.
Okay now I have to work.