Apparently I say cock too much.

A couple of months ago I sent a tiny essay to an “almost ready to launch” print zine where the listing very specifically asked for everything from soup to nuts. The editrix seemed very enthusiastic about featuring some diverse voices and talk about sex and things.

The little essay I sent was about my first cock. As in mine personally. I named him Hank and he was big shiny and purple. He eventually got decorated with some rings and I once had an epic tantrum in a lovers living room because I couldn’t figure out how to pack Hank and wear the dress I wanted to wear out on our date.

I got the rejection note a bit earlier and essentially all she said was there was too much mention of a “penis:. No wait she also made mention of her objection to me calling myself a “bonafide cock swinging bitch”.

Ahem.

All I could do was giggle as I read it.

I tried replacing all seven instances of the word cock (I also used dick, and at the end I said girldick) with the word penis and it frankly came off silly.

I have never had a penis. Penis says to me flesh and none of mine have been flesh.

What really made me laugh wasn’t her squeamishness about my usage of the word cock but rather the fact that the theme of this rejection could in fact sum up much of my writing career to date.

All too often I just say cock too much. Or fuck or pussy or gods forbid I say cunt in a happy and joyous manner.

Even as little as three or four years ago this might have upset me mightily and caused me to flail about in a righteous writer rage.

These days rejections like this sting some but, I bet she’ll remember what I wrote.

Finally at 34 goddamn years old I am comfortable with what I write.

It’s taken a lot of work and many lessons about censoring myself.

I’m fine when I write about my body or sex. I’m fine when I write about murder and mayhem. I’m fine with it all. Most of the time I still entertain myself.

That feels like a really valuable lesson.

It’s why I put everything I write together. The dirty dirty smut to the personal essays. It is why I don’t use a psuedonym. It is why if someday an employer googles me and finds out how often I say pussy and decides they can’t hire me, well it would suck but I could live with it.

I also know that maybe this could be why I may not always be taken seriously. More than once I’ve had to defend myself and my words. I remember years ago I landed a gig writing erotica for pay to go along with particular drawings and photos. The editor read my personal blog and decided that I was just too weird and queer for his demographic.

I admit this wasn’t super professional but I tore him a new asshole then told him to find another writer.

Probably a bad move. I do hope he knows if he ever finds my work that I don’t hold a grudge but I will not allow anyone ever to use my words against me.

This will probably be among the reasons I may never be famous.

That’s okay.

Matter of fact it’s just fine.

That’s all for right now. I got one other rejection that was really kind but stung. No one likes that story, well they like it. Editors have said the language is beautiful but it’s not really a traditional story focused on a plot in a textbook fashion. Meh. I’ll hold onto it and try again.

Now for the four of you that read this don’t forget to download my tiny smutty triplet Spank. Available in .doc or .pdf.

Once The Book (essays, I’ll give a full report later) is finished I’ll make more thing available there for free. Enjoy if you take what I have and feel free to come back and tell me what you think.

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2 thoughts on “Apparently I say cock too much.

  1. What a shame. Personally, I love cock – the word, the fleshy thing, the faux-plastic version… I even had a 20 minute conversation with some girlfriends about cake, replacing “cake” with “cock.” Good times.

    Anyway, you’ve got a new fan! Go cock! 🙂

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