Jerry Stahl you Fantastic Bastard.

The title here is said with an enormous amount of love.

I’m reading his book Pain Killers: A Novel (P.S.)
(sorry that’s an amazon affiliate link, mama’s gotta make some extra change).

It’s been a while since I’ve read his fiction and I am reminded of why I love this man.

His characters are insane and fucked up. They get into chaotic situations but on some level it’s okay. That is why I love his fiction. I also love his non fiction as well, the dark humor and moments of nakedness in his writing that are awful but still so funny. I suppose it’s only still funny to me because I’ve been in some shit and sometimes you have to laugh or die.

What makes it better is that I’ve watched him read on youtube so I hear a good part of the book in his voice, I love it.

I remember I read Permanent Midnight in 1999 I think. I made my junkie friend read it, well I half read it to him on the phone at night or sitting under sodium lights at the playground near my house. That story doesn’t end well, I saw him dead within four years of that. I do remember that I kept that book and reread it over the years, through my own bouts with insanity and drugs and risk taking.

My friend Pete (dead junky) taught me a couple of important things that would flower years later. Jerry Stahl taught me important things about writing that are flowering right now.

I’ve not been writing as much as I’d like for the last week and a half or so. Sometimes I need to let things marinate before I can get them out.

The other thing that has been on my mind is the shift in mindset I’ve experienced in the last two years. How this is not just my words and blood and whatnot, this is fucking serious. This is my life.

I’ve decided that I don’t give a fuck about a lot of things in regards to writing.

I’ve decided what I do still give a fuck about and there are a lot of those things.

I feel tense and not in the bad way. I feel tense and ready, like I’m about to punch someone in the face and it feels good. Fuck it I can say it, it feels mother fucking wonderful.

Now I’m going to go write. I’m going to read some more wonderful things.

Non serious PS-
I am wearing new perfume and I don’t know what it is or where I got it, it’s a pink oil in a blank little beaker. There is a lovely flowery smell coming from my cleavage and I keep getting distracted. It took me almost 45 minutes to write this post. Narcissism is my name.

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