Words clash.

I am still a little shocked that more than a few people have purchased my little collection. It feels good to know that a few people get what I was doing.

I’ll talk about it more another day.

I just finished reading (affiliate amazon link, I know sorry) Girl Boy Girl: How I Became JT Leroy. I actually finished reading it about a week ago and have been sitting thinking about it.

I was one of those people who was totally bowled over by JT Leroy and James Frey. I bought it.

After both were pushed out of the closet my opinions didn’t really change.

The thing about this book that bugs me I guess is that it ends so abruptly. If Susannah’s life was upturned where is the aftermath? The book seems very incomplete and I’m not sure but it reads like it was right after everything blew up. I feel slightly let down. There was a lot of build up and angst and then, poof bam it was done.

I guess I wanted more.

I suppose the whole situation could be reduced to a cautionary tale about anonymity and celebrity. I keep thinking that if you are so desperate to be famous and known and read, you can’t be anonymous. Also if you go on Oprah, people are going to check the shit you said.

These things are on my mind right now because my essay collection is sitting in the inbox of my dear editor and I’m feeling what? I’m feeling like I want to run around screaming OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT.

I purposefully excluded four essays because my memory isn’t the best and I wasn’t sure if they were right. I haven’t yet got the hang of writing about the intersection of other people in my life.

I’m still trying to navigate how to say things that I know will hurt people who might see them. The truest things are the hardest things.

I reread all of the essays yesterday for the first time and I feel somewhat flat. I feel like I should have gone further. I should have peeled away more things.

On the other hand, there are some things I’m just not ready to talk about in public yet.

So what do I do now?

Keep writing. Dig deeper slowly. I need to be kind to myself.

I’m yammering now.

Tomorrow I’m going to do a round up. I’m reading some really lovely things. I’m also on the heels of my submissiting new work hiatus. I’m doing Nanowrimo again this year. I’ll post about why it pisses me off when “real” writers poo poo nanowrimo so hard.

What else? I don’t know. I think that’s all for right now.



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