A dirty story.

I’m not posting the whole thing but here’s a bite of what I’m working on.

I want this gentleman to be an echo and mirror of another narrator (I know I’m being vague)  he is her mirror etc etc.

A bad boy for a bad girl.

A scene. A thing.

I’m not totally making sense I realize this but I do have a purpose. With notes from my dearest RG I have been playing with the oppositional voice in this erotic novella scrap I’ve been diddling. I need to know in a visceral readable way how this man reacts and hear his voice in my head before I can continue with the story.

Also- I’m toying a little bit with language. I want to get a picture of him that isn’t from the bottom. I want to hear this Top and feel how he’s straining to keep himself in check while he is fucking the nasty out of the female counterpart.

I want to toy with why the other story ended as it did.

I have a plan y’all. It’s weird but my gut says this is how this novella wants to be born and I’m not going to fight with myself about it anymore. It is going down.

Under the fold, read my favorite part of this scene as told by the man in the situation. Also I want to know if it comes across that his patter is helping him not come when he doesn’t want to because this particular thing is not about that.  Or is that something that needs to be said more explicitly? Warning it’s not quite violent but close.

I talk and have no idea what I’m saying until I let her go and she walks away a few paces. She eases her pants off and shows me her chubby round little ass, when she takes a moment to pull one side of her panties out of her crack my knees go a little weak.

 

I don’t know if I want to bronze her, fuck her or kill her. Her nonchalance and the tarty little look she gives me over her shoulder make me want to hurt her. She knows that.

 

She gets off the rest of her clothes and I yank the buttons on my jeans loose and pull my already half hard cock out, I stroke it and look at her. I crook a finger.

 

“Come over here.”

 

She starts to speak but then gets on her hands and knees, crawling towards me. I bite the inside of my lower lip and stroke a little harder when my cock jerks in my hand. I stop her and stroke just in front of her face, she is staring at my cock and I see the wet pink of her tongue flick across her lower lip.

 

“Stop and tilt your head up.”

 

She does as she’s told.

 

“I want to suck-”

 

I stop her with a look. We are not doing that tonight.

 

“You are a filthy fucking slut. Get on your back and do what you do best. Don’t say a

word.”

 

She scuttled to do it and I get the rest of my clothes off. I lower myself slowly, carefully until my cock brushes against her already wet cunt.

 

I look down at her face and watch fear, lust, hate and anger move across her mouth. Everything she feels is in her mouth, the way her lips move. It takes everything I have not to kiss that mouth. Tonight, I am not hers she is mine.

 

“I’m going to fuck you until you cry.”

 

I guide my cock just inside her and ease in bit by bit, feeling the resistance as she squeezes. When our eyes meet, I know I’ve already won. I grind my hips in and stop, holding myself over her and waiting until I have her full attention.

 

“Don’t move, don’t make a sound.”

 

It takes a second but her jerky little nod seals the deal. There is real panic in her eyes, I feel her belly tremble and ease the rest of the way inside her. Her mouth distorts, I can see her teeth clenched and I start to fuck her the way I know drives her crazy.

 

I may not be the most dick swingingest guy around but I know how to use what I got and with her it’s so easy. I thrust deep and slow. I can do this inside her forever. Normally after a few minutes she would be clawing and calling me names, when she is come hungry she is vicious.

 

If I concentrate I can feel the slight shift in her hips, I watch her face and her eyes glaze over, her brows knit and she screws her mouth up into a plump troubled bow. She’s trying so hard to be good, to do what I say, fuck I want to live inside her cunt forever. I want this long slow rhythm to last and last until the world is gone and there’s nothing but her cunt and her big black eyes.

 

When the little crackly whimper squeaks out of her mouth I almost lose it, she sounds so helpless. I stop mid thrust and shake my head like I am about to get up and leave.

 

“I knew it.”

 

Her ankles lock against the small of my back, her body is shaking beneath me and her eyes have gone from the cloudy haze of pleasure to insanity. Her breath hitches and I feel her hard nipples stick to my chest.

 

“You are so tight, so wet. Be a pity to leave now.”

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6 thoughts on “A dirty story.

  1. “Everything she feels is in her mouth, the way her lips move”

    God, I love your writing. It’s a feast. Always a feast. I love the complexity of eroticism in your characters. Love it. There is nothing as hot or as compelling as that.

  2. Forrest Franks

    Seems Ok. But seems to be lacking in emotion or description. Just needs more work,feeling. More description of the woman. Her every body part that turns him on. Read caiijin or whatever by remittance girl. Later F

    1. Thanks for reading. My style isn’t really heavy on description in general. It’s interesting what you say about the emotion, a big part of this narrator is the repressed controlled emotion. I’m glad that comes through as something the reader wants.

      1. I’m laughing at Forrest’s comments, Because I think this is where female and male readers kind of part ways. If you give me too much description of her body, it’s probably going to put me off.

        I can really see the emotion between the lines. I think he’s very fond of her, but he knows what she wants and she doesn’t want emotion. The description of her reactions, through his eyes, are very detailed. That tells me he cares a lot more than he will let her see.

  3. teal91 Mike kane

    Well done, Narrator is controlled, holding emotion in. Asking for description etc, people see you as capable, as you are, of all sorts of well, storifying!

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