As I’ve been grinding away I have some news.
I have SIX rejections already for this year. I’m feeling like that is pretty good. I’m on a bit of a tear and at rejection #66 of the 100 rejections I’m going for.
I have four pieces scheduled for publication this year thus far.
Most of my rejections have been fairly good ones. A couple of editors have said really nice things about my work.
The bad part is that I feel like my aim is off again.
This happens to me now and then. My instinct for where my work would work out is off. I don’t know why or how but that’s where I’m at right now.
What is funny about the situation is that, even last year I’d stop submitting entirely for a couple of months to work it out. Right now I don’t want to do that at all. I am putting my head down and doing what I do and making myself get shit done. I’m scared, I’m paranoid. I have moments where as I am submitting, I freeze up and imagine that the editor is going to see my name and groan.
I imagine that in some Sooper Sekrit Editors Room somewhere, editors are shaking their beardy (everyone has beards in my imagination) heads and saying very solemnly, “do not want”.
I let all those thoughts roll right on through my head.
This is one of those things about my personality I tried really hard to change for a long time. I am prone to believing that anyone who knows my name probably hates me, hates my shoes, hates my writing and thinks I’m a dumb asshole.
Over the years, my poor best friend has had to talk me down off of that crazy ledge more than once. Then I would feel so terrible for thinking so little of people I really like.
At this point, I’ve learned that it’s kind of better to just let it happen for a little while, then keep it moving.
I have shit to do, I have no time for my own bullshit.
So, right now I am prepping two more non fiction pieces to be flung out at the world.
There is this other thing I feel like I need to figure out.
I don’t want to talk about it right now. I’m kind of embarrassed about it so I need some time. I know, it’s shocking that I’m not letting all of my ass hang out on the internet.
I found the Chromebook I want and will be buying that instead of a 36th birthday tattoo. Unfortunately my PC at home has become too unstable for me to work on and I honestly can’t handle handle losing more of my work. Not the ideal way to spend birthday money but, I have to work.
How about some links?
If you haven’t been published in Smokelong and you write flash fiction, go enter this right now. A no entry fee fellowship thing that pays. I think that is really amazing and beautiful.
Go read How a Wound Heals by Roxane Gay at the Rumpus. Fuck I love her.
Now, if you were never a little Black Girl I need you to go read this. Also if you were ever a little Black girl. Just, just read it.
Last for right now, go read this. I saw this just now via my friend Haddayr and damn it. Gorgeousness.
I have work to do.
Things I’m thinking about.
Go forth and read some stuff. Feel free to come back and leave links for stuff for me to read if you think I’d be into it.