Things I wonder about.

I’m listening to Junot Diaz reading (because reasons) and every time I hear him speak I wonder about a few things.

How do the more stuffy of the literary higher ups deal with him?

I’m listening to him yelp OH FUCK, he’s talking about beautiful brown women with big juicy asses, he is talking about Dominicans from Jersey.

I’ve listened to him on some rather serious business literary shows, they can’t play a lot of his work. When talking about it the hosts eagerly talk about how urgent and fresh and street the language is.

Are these literary people so far removed from people who are not them?

I think so.

I half want to be a fly on the wall of their inside thoughts, are they uncomfortable? Are they wondering what certain “fresh” street phrases mean exactly? Is it difficult for them to suss out half Spanish phrases?

Are they upset because they have to think about these things beyond glossing over the story?

I don’t know. I wonder though.

And I don’t expect frank conversation about these things and don’t think I’d want to see it because a lot of White people have a hard time talking honestly about these things without whining or hurt feefees and we all know I have no time for hurt feefees.

This is the sort of stuff I wonder about. The real blood and guts of a thing rather than the smiling shiny faced top of it.

I want to hear the secrets, the things that will probably piss me off but that I want to hear anyway.

I’m too nosy for my own good.

I’m doing some searching on Duotrope and honestly some of the women/female issues focused magazines grate on my nerves so much. So much pink and exclamation points and flowers.

On a personal level I find a lot of the things that are supposed to be women/female friendly or focused are not welcoming. I don’t particularly like the YOU GO GIRL type of lady mag thing.  I very quickly tire of things that are so focused on the shiny and pretty parts. Show me the rough spots. Give me the bloodied panties, unshaven legs and decisions about whether or not to eat real food or just have tea and cookies for dinner. No shame, no shiny, no pretty wrapping.

What can I say I like my women naked and raw.

I think that’s actually all for right now. I have shit to do today.

I need to get this essay about my body out again. I want to get out another few things before my birthday so I can wallow in my not happy feelings about being an adult. It’s not aging I have a problem with. It is that instead of the chromebook and shoes I had planned I am paying bills that will eat up my paycheck.

Adulthood sucks.


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