I feel like purging.

Some things I loathe about myself.

So here goes.

I am insanely jealous (to the point of seething and roiling guts) of writers who can go to amazing looking retreats, conferences, workshops etc.

As often as I see them offered and beloved friends talking about go to them, I find myself sitting here with fucking stink face because I can’t.

I can’t afford to travel. I can’t afford to take weeks off.  I can’t even really afford online workshops.

Poor person rage.

Not that I want to do regular workshopping type things but I would like the um, option I guess.

Here I am plotting fixing my teeth (because of some unexpected bills I’m back to needing to save another 350, shit), AWP, Duotrope and a few other odds and ends.

New clothes, books, writing shit, hair.

I feel like one of those thirsty mother fuckers on instagram alternately praising half naked hotties then when they get ignored or no play turn to calling them whores. Suddenly I partly understand.

So in the interest of distracting myself from my hate spiral I have shit I need to do.

  1. I really need to fix up my writing schedule. I am thinking I’m going to try harder to start getting up an hour early to head downtown so I can sit in a starbucks (yes so cliche) drink coffee and work before my dayjob. I half hope that will relax me so said dayjob doesn’t sap my energy so much. Writing after work has become almost impossible because work completely drains me of most of my will to live muchless to write.
  2. I also don’t really have an area to work with my little chromebook comfortably.
  3. I need to decide about AWP. I do kind of want to try fully joining for a year and see if/what it does for me. But then again money.

Those are the big things on my mind right now. I’ve been working and writing like a mother fucker but I only have a couple of things submission ready.

I have decided to put out another self care book. This one mainly for Femme Identified people. I’m also (given what’s going on with Kobo/amazon etc) going t try keeping my erotica off of the sites where it will get pulled. Not that I sell/write enough of it at present for this to be a big deal but you know. Fuck outlets that are on their high horse about smut.

The other big thing on my mind as ever is figuring out my extra hustles. Given my very finite amounts of energy day to day this has been a struggle.

Nothing like financial stress to fuck with the creative process.

Oh well.

Time to work.


4 thoughts on “Confessional.

  1. I hear you so hard. Except, for me, it’s looking at people in the writing community who are single and childfree and get to spend all their money on things that aren’t their partners and children. I mean, I love my husband and I love my stepdaughters, but I keenly remember what it was like, back in the old days, to have all the cash money to myself. Since I’ve always been poor-to-middlin, it’s never been much to speak of, but back then I could afford to travel. I miss traveling the most.

  2. “I can’t afford to travel. I can’t afford to take weeks off. I can’t even really afford online workshops.” Me either, but we are doing okay. We can do something else. We can do our own thing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s