A few things.

Okay first if some strange dude contacts you about how awful I am as a human being and/or about my writing feel free to ignore or harass him back.

There is a dude out there who has dedicated himself to “stopping” me and my work because I hurt his feefees.

Second thing.

Men and White people are exhausting me right now. I keep seeing people I actually like saying really gross things and it is tiring. I’m not engaging because given what I’ve seen it’s not worth my time and fucks given.

That said, it does make me feel very uncomfortable speaking/being myself around them.

I’m not hurt or angry I’m just tired. And that being what it is I did another mass social media purge of people I follow/am friends with. No notes just quiet unfollowing/muting etc.

So last week I think I saw this review on Strange Horizons for a spec fic book by for and about POC. Find the anthology Long Hidden here. This part of the review keeps playing in my head:

A bigger issue—not necessarily a problem—arises from seeing all of these stories together, as a collection. They are a staggeringly diverse bunch of stories by a staggeringly diverse posse of authors, and the brief the authors worked to is broad enough to encompass the entire world and all of history up to a hundred years ago, other than the paths which are already so well-trodden as to be clichéd. 

Here’s the thing.

The  “not necessarily a problem” doesn’t work because frankly is it SO fucking staggering and uh, off putting that a very diverse group of authors for an anthology that is for by and about POC is very diverse?

I keep seeing this sort of white people shock that POC are ever talking, writing or doing stuff amongst ourself. Granted Strange Horizons did apologize after a lot of the people involved with

I saw it in um, I forget the film but one of the reaons the director gave for not having POC was that diversity is “distracting to audiences”.

Are white people so delicate and so unable to see past the norm (whiteness) that more than one brown or non white person just throws them all off?

So I keep seeing this sort of discourse especially in sf/f arenas.

Why do so many people insist on, no wait white people let’s be real, seem to think that inclusion is some conspiracy by us left wing crazed POC?

This is why the whole idea of POC doing things for and amongst ourselves is often just not going to get off the ground. When we do our spaces and the things we create are still filtered through a lens of whiteness that then faults us for not adhering to some “norm” (read: whiteness).

I have this same issue with most “feminist” magazines and a lot of literary magazines as well.

I earnestly wish I was not such a critically thinking person. I wish I could just not see these things and not think about them. I wish I could let it roll off of my back but the fact is, these things effect me.

A lot of people who have told me to ignore it etc don’t seem to understand that these things aren’t isolated. They don’t occur in a vacuum.

These are things that intersect, knot up and become a problem that spreads from my writing to my walking around in meat space and being really not okay with shit people say to me because whiteness says it is okay.

It is just exhausting.

I try to limit my exposure/engagement but honestly when it is a matter of me knowing where in the greater writing industry I might be okay to submit or not.

This is another moment where I feel like I’m shouting into the void aka the dirty asshole of the universe and it is just farting on me.

That said it does ease my mind a bit to just get it out.

So yeah.

In other news that isn’t filed under things that make my asshole itch, I’m almost done reading Hos, Hookers, Call Girls, and Rent Boys: Professionals Writing on Life, Love, Money, and Sex. Honestly it is a really great collection. If you are interested in the lives of sex workers told not as pain porn or serving anti sex work read it.

Also I picked up some free stuff for my kindle and so far I’ve read some great things. AND I just saw recently some of the indie books that are now out of print I can still get for my kindle so fuck yeah.

Okay that’s all. I have many work to do and lots of feelings to hurt.



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