On Gut Wrenching, blogging and whatnot.

Lately I feel like the gut wrenching has taken over my creative life.

I feel like pain and awful have eclipsed too much.

I said this on facebook a bit ago but sometimes the things I am moved to write just hurt my heart.

So I’m going to not do that right now.

I just (see over here) wrote my contribution to the #yesallwomen tag and it honestly burned. It hurts. I don’t want to anymore. Saturday I kind of proverbially ran around the internet looking for relief. Babies, puppies, fashion, shoes, boobs, things written by women I love. I felt like I was just grabbing at every straw of non awful I could find.

I felt panicky and manic about it.

I feel better today.

Today I wrote my thing and then I spent about fifteen minutes clearing hate messages from this wee blog, my youtube channel etc. I’m settled down with tea and threatened my friend Mensah with my aggressive hugging attack.

Hey Hessians, I will do the thing tomorrow.

Right now I want to remember how to roll around in goodness.

I had a really great talk with a very old friend about some of my recent new work.  He’s known me and my work for (holy shit) almost 20 years and the fact that without me asking he talked to me about the change in the tone and scope of my work made me feel really great. There is something so valuable to me to have peers who have that kind of overview.

I have also talked with my wifey and thought heavily about what are my goals?

I want to figure out how to balance the tear my guts out non fiction with lighter less angst filled non fiction.

I want to get back to writing the kind of horror I like to read.

I want to work out how I feel about mainstream publishing and swinging for the fences in regard to where I try to get published.

I have been working really hard. I have started a practice of keeping notes on things I want to write about when they occur to me. I’m writing more in my paper notebook. I’m reading a bit more widely and I’m remembering to nurture what I am good at and what makes me feel like I am doing something as a writer.

I am working very hard to nurture myself to the next point rather than bully myself.

It’s kinda working.

Okay now I am off to start getting V2.0 really together and to read some things that make me feel good. I suggest you go do the good thing for yourselves as well.

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