I’m closing out the year on an insomniac uh, I hate to say downward spiral but my brain is not doing the thing and I have not been rebooted so yeah.
So instead of my general end of year navel gazing I’m gonna talk decisions.
- I’m not going to go hard for freelance work. That’s been a killer for me. I want to do it, I have that urge to be a go getting type writer spreading my words across ALL the platforms but that’s just not how I work. I want to trust my own process, remember I’m not a journalist nor do I aspire to be one and be okay.
- I also have decided to stop writing about racism for free. Remember the Paris Review shitshow? All those views, nice comments with a side of a few super amatuer trolls. My pain and spleen. And again, I feel like I got little in return. Now I did gain some new readers (HEY y’all) and some new folks have been exposed to my work. I also know for a FACT that several other writers (no I’m not naming nor linking for reasons) made money off the back of what I wrote. They GOT PAID because I wrote about my fucking pain and let down. That’s fucked up. No kickback, no thank you, at least three people didn’t even bother to name me fully, drop a link to my blog here or my website (all of which are easy to find) or anything. So after that happening when I was fat blogging and several times blogging here I’m just…yeah. Fuck you pay me. I’m not going to bleed all over here only to see that some nice White folks regurgitate my words and say I’m inspiration so they can get paid and I get shit.
- That said, I don’t know -where- to write about racism in the way I do because see #1. I dunno. I have some ideas I’m thinking about but given how things have gone I don’t see them happening.
Quite frankly I have honestly had enough of being undervalued and having my work taken willy nilly.
I’m pretty done with being told I’m “inspirational” but when it comes time to share around the rewards of work put in, crickets.
Here’s the thing. When I write this stuff, I deal with the trolls and being called names and the threats etc by myself. I have to keep commenting on lockdown, even though it interferes with things like Yeah Write because I give enough of a shit not to expose the world to every asshole who wants to come call me a racist cunt or tell me I deserve to lose my job and die.
I don’t really want more regular positions anywhere. My current 12 hour work days (including my commute), the general state of my health, my precarious tech at home, etc. all mean my writing time is finite and precious. So I’ll stick with XoJane and maybe if something else catches my eye I might submit nonfiction type shit other places but yeah. I’m tired.
You know I’m not a big fan of being in the position of needing to change how I work so I don’t feel like I’m being stolen from.
I really don’t.
I was going to quickly close down this spot, but I’m not doing that again.
I’m struggling, but I believe that if my work is good enough to use for source material, for it to be straight up jacked it is good enough to be paid for.
Now for some decisions that are more fun.
More craft stuff. I have really enjoyed being of help to other writers and I still love talking out my process even as it changes or evolves.
- More book reviews. I constantly forget to update goodreads and forget to in depth review stuff I love but there will be more of that.
Now another important thing.
Over at Self Care Like a Boss come get to know me a little bit. Feel free to follow us on tumblr and share what you find over there far and wide.
I think that’s all. I have a lot of writing to do and I’m terribly tired.
I hope 2015 brings all of you all the success and love and everything you need.
To us all I say-
Don’t Stop. Get it. Get it.