My Twin Tried It
“Come on, why you bein’ stingy?”
I’m sitting on the counter in my bathroom putting my eyeliner on and my twin brother is sitting on the toilet complaining as usual.
“Look, I already told you, it is not that kinda party. It’s not for you.”
“Tay, come on bitch why not?”
His voice is starting to annoy me and I don’t want to explain, but I know I’m going to have to or he’s going to whine until I leave then text me every ten minutes while I’m gone.
“Because Tee this party is like, hella gay. Super gay. Like, the party is called Bitches 4 Bitches. It’s for hood dykes. You are not a lesbian.”
I can see the face he’s pulling behind my back.
“Really? Really, Tay? Bitches 4 Bitches? Is you serious? That’s nasty.”
I turn and stare at him, eyes narrowed.
“The fuck did you just say to me Tee? My party is nasty? Really? You think I forgot you went to that stupid what was it? Do I have to remind you about that Anti Black bullshit flyer? No dark girls? Yo’ Mama is fuckin’ dark. You’re dark. I’m dark. And my party is gross? Really bitch? Really?”
Tee is cringing, he puts his hands up and tries to shrink.
“Not to mention I’m fucking gay and GOD forbid I want to go dance with other women of color without some Hotep ashy dick Negro like yourself have a problem. Don’t start with me, I still gotta do my eyebrows and get my lashes on. I’m tryna get with that pretty fat dark girl I me that the last party.”
“Fine, damn. Calm, down. This ain’t twitter.”
I can’t help but giggle, I already put my girls on him about his bullshit on Twitter.
He stands up and comes to watch me finish my make up.
“You know I don’t mean that shit right? I’m tryin’ sis.”
I turn my head and plant a big shimmery kiss on his cheek.
“I know, boo boo. We’ll get you woke yet. Here hold this mirror so I can get my lashes on.”
He holds my hand mirror still and I can see he’s got that look on his face.
“Don’t put them girls from Twitter on me again. Them girls ain’t no joke. I never been roasted like that in my life. “
I do a good job of not laughing and screwing up my lash placement.
“Well, I told you if you got on that Hotep bullshit I’d put them on you. You wouldn’t listen to me. Look, I keep trying to get you to understand that lack women, especially Queer Black women are not here for that. I’m not here for it. You stay on that bullshit and they’ll fuck you up again. How are my eyebrows?”
Tee tilts my head and nods.
“Looks good. I’m trying. I swear I’m trying. Some of that is true-“
If I wasn’t already running late, we’d be fighting. I roll my eyes and jump off of the counter.
“Don’t even. Now shut up and tell me I look cute and that girl is gonna be there.”
“You look cute and she’s gonna be there. Okay, but-“
“Tee. Don’t. Don’t go down that fuck boy path again. Every one of our gay ancestors and every hot ass queer Black girl I know will destroy you. Again. In public. Now stop it. I’m leaving. Do something about yourself Hotep. Be glad I got a girl to talk to.”
I get out of my robe and put my shoes on before grabbing my purse and heading out the door. I love my brother, but I can’t. I have girls to seduce and no time for his nonsense.