Yeah Write #226 entry- Mother Fuckin Billy the Spider Remix

 

Mother Fuckin’ Billy- the spider remix. CW: this is about spiders.

by

Shannon Barber

“Hey girl hey.”

The small brown peacock spider sat next to another, their limbs comfortably touching.

“Hey, Marisol how are you? I saw your web, great work boo.”

The other spider wriggled with pleasure, her web was in fact spectacular.

“Thanks, you’re a sweetheart. Whatcha doing?”

Linda pointed one leg at a limb and the bright blue faced male spider stretching and looking serious.

“Mother fuckin’ Billy is trying it again.”

Marisol rolled six of her eyes.

“Poor Billy. Let’s watch.”

The two female spiders nestled closer together while Billy got his shit together. He kicked a leaf out of his way and started his dance. Billy pointed one leg at the ladies and waggled his plump abdomen.

“Ladies, I hope you’re ready for- The THUNDA.”

Marisol and Linda both managed not to cover their faces with their forelegs as Billy hollered and began waving his forelegs and trying to warble his song of seduction. He closed two pairs of his eyes and moved to his own music, he cheered himself out loud without realizing it.

“Yeah, yeah baby you love it. You want it. You want this in your nuptial web. Yeah, you wanna see my spinnerette, look at it.”

Billy turned his hind end toward the ladies and rotated it slowly. Marisol and Linda looked at each other confused.

“I don’t think he understands how this works Linda. I mean, look at him. He’s pitiful. I almost feel sorry for him.”

Marisol rolled four pairs of her eyes.

“He knows he just thinks he’s special. I mean, have you seen Jorge over there in those rose bushes? He dances around thorns Linda, he took on the aphids and won. Billy is on a naked branch, dancing with no rhythm.”

Linda trembled, trying not to fall over in mirth.

“You think he knows what happens if his dance doesn’t work?”

“Probably not.”

Linda took a breath.

“You gonna eat him later, or nah?”

Marisol watched Billy gyrating his abdomen, then rearing up on his hind legs, waving at them.

“Yeah, I’m eating the fuck out that dude he gets on my nerves.”

Billy danced for his life and lost. As Marisol pinned him down and began chewing on him, he looked up at her at gasped out a few last words.

“I’m still, mother fuckin Billy.”

###

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