Yeah, Write #223- Goodbye Mother Fucking Billy. The Last Remix.

Goodbye Billy

The last Remix.

by

Shannon Barber

Billy is a watcher now. He watches her slow dancing alone in her room at night. He can almost hear her rusty, squeaky little singing voice, “better ca-all Tyrone.” She still wears the ivory nightie he bought her. The pale silk glows against her brown skin, her braids brush against the fabric as soft as his touch used to be.

Billy watches as she lays on the couch talking on the phone. He watches her walk to work, her hips swaying to the music she listens to. The beautifully genderless one watches Billy.

“Why?” Billy doesn’t cry this time. He keeps his eyes on her as she reads in bed.

“Until you’re done.” His watcher leaves him to his solitary pursuit.

Billy has learned so much about women and how their private worlds operate. He never knew how contorted her body could be while she painted her toenails, how she spent hours searching her face for things to pluck out. He saw her cry when her favorite dress didn’t zip all the way to the top and then she rallied and wore something loose and to his pale eye exotic and mysterious.

Being a watcher is not what Billy wanted to be. Billy remembers poetry and music, basslines that unfurled in his veins.

And now he is this.

Billy watches, Billy dreams. Billy wants to weep, but finds himself unable. As he watches her dancing around her apartment while she cleans, he wants to lay his head in his hands and sob.

The other stands next to him again, their beautiful face impassive and serene.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Billy’s watcher lays a hand on his shoulder and speaks so gently through closed lips Billy’s thought of tears flees and he relaxes.

“You’re done?”

Billy looks again at her, he musters what substance he has and says the only thing he can think of.

“Goodbye. I’m sorry.”

She looks up and raises a hand to her cheek, she felt his breath. Smelled the natural if chilled scent of his breath. Her tears and smile are bitter.

“Mother fucking Billy. It’s okay. You can go. I love you asshole.”

Billy turns from watcher to what? Air? Light? She doesn’t know. Billy doesn’t know. Billy’s watcher takes his hand in theirs and with the speed of a whispered goodbye they are gone.

###

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6 thoughts on “Yeah, Write #223- Goodbye Mother Fucking Billy. The Last Remix.

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