OH how the writer worries.

First Patreon folks.

I’ve done research and long as you change your passwords and whatnots your info should be safe. That said, as I said over there if anybody doesn’t feel safe and needs to bounce I am totally okay with that.

What else?

I did an amazing reading last night. I read from the Self Care Like A Boss blog and a new piece about how the current lit world makes me feel.

I posted a little clip my partner took from the part where I was reading from SCLAB. The volume is a bit low because my phone is not super fancy but you get the gist. I’ll post more tidbits and soon, SO SOON I’m going to do some readings and post them on my Youtube channel as a bit of a warm up to me doing regular videos over there.

What else?

So post Patreon problem I’m having thoughts.

Mainly that come December my finances are going to take a turn for the worse because of a rent increase. My partner and I will make it, but things will be pretty tight.

This brings me to the expensive ass thing. AWP.

We were talking about it and he really -really- wants me to get to go. Especially since I’ll have more books to hawk and have SO many writers there who are going and who just live in the area that I’ve been friends with and need to meet.

I know AWP doesn’t give a shit about me as a paying member. That notwithstanding, I feel in my gut that it’s important to show up. Because I ain’t skurred and fuck some of those people.

BUT y’all. This is giving me real serious Poor Kid Anxiety. I had nightmares about going and coming home to find out we got evicted last night.

I am budgeting it up, but the idea of spending that much to go to an event that I don’t really specifically need to freaks my shit right out.

The other day I read something my homie Daniel Jose Older wrote and this has been stuck with me for days:

For me, writing always begins with self-forgiveness.

Shit yo. Right in the fucking feelings.

I am not good at forgiving myself anything. Not my natural assholeness, not my tenderness of heart, not my sensitivity, not that sometimes things like trees or whales make me want to cry, not that I can’t produce REAMS of things that I get paid for, not that I find freelancing so fucking hard and limiting-nothing. I have the hardest time forgiving myself for being human and having desires that cost money.

I’ve literally been staring at that paragraph for two minutes because being vulnerable this way still rubs my fur the wrong way. I am not an android and I hate that.

Okay, yeah. So I’ve got some extra income hustles planned out, but they aren’t fast money and might not turn out to be a lot of money.

I’ve got my budget pretty well pared down to writing business essentials (software, computer upkeep, etc.) and a few pleasure things, but I’m terrified it won’t turn out to be enough and the trip could fuck up my family finances for a long time.

I’m worried about it. I don’t foresee being able to take a part time job because I already have 12 hour dayjob days and then at least two or three days a week work on writing for another 2-3 at home.

So I might do a fundraiser. A kickstater or whatever so I can keep my Patreon money for writing related expenses. I’ve decided to work it out.

First thing is I’m going to budget out my writing related expenses from now through March.

Second thing budget up tickets, a spot to sleep and whatnot.

Third calmly work out a savings plan and whether or not to do a fundraiser.

Number three will be a mother fucker but I think I can do it.

That’s about it for now. Time to grind.

Later taters.

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