Boss Bitch Guide to Warfare.
by
Shannon Barber
The Boss Bitch Warrior squad has rules. Obey them.
Always bring boots, flats or sneakers. You might be looking fly in the world in those red bottoms, but never fight wearing your good shoes if you can help it. That said, learn to run in heels. The higher the better.
Learn how to braid. Wear wigs not weaves. Take your wig off when you step into The World. If you have long hair tuck it down your back so they can’t pull it.
Remember this is fighting monsters not hoodrats.
Keep your beats handy. War music is anything that makes you want to break shit. Buy handfuls of cheap earbuds, you don’t want to lose your Bose noise canceling headphones while you’re beating the fuck out of something with fire in its eyes and the smell of your blood in its mouth.
Don’t brag in the world about your skills. Unless your fists pay your bills keep your mouth shut.
Fight like you don’t give a fuck. Not about your face, your nails, your hair, nothing. Fight like the goddamn honey badger you are.
Nasty ole’ honey badger don’t give a fuck.
If you want long nails, get acrylics and make them sharp.
When technique fails, use magic. Whatever blood magic you got, use it. Conjure help, conjure fire, do what you need to do.
You are a Warrior. Wear your scars and be fly as fuck in the world and badass bright beautiful death in The World.
Protect the Innocents and Beholders and Generists.
You are the steel and glitter.
Remember to treat yourself. Get those guns customized, get the mother of pearl inlay in the hilt of that blade. Wear your beautiful gear.
Bring your people and if you have breath cheer them on.
Your baby sister took the head off some half man, half Lizard thing?
You give the war cry from the bottom of your big femme heart-
YASSSSSSSS BITCH, YASSSSSSSS!
ps the embedded link is an explanation of the slang. And here is the song that inspired this one.
Ugh, you know you had me at Louboutins.
Oh yeah. Good one.
And beat the crap out of any craftsman that makes bikini armor. Make him wear it and demonstrate how a metal bra doesn’t deflect spears. 🙂
I want to go kick some ass now–this got me all fired up!
Where do I sign up? I’m ready for a smackdown!
Wow. Where do I sign up? I’m ready to throw down!
Love the energy in this: the listing gives it so much power, and your pop culture references add to the bad-assery.
Interesting
Self-care: the superhero edition.
My favorite: “You are the steel and glitter.”
I love this: “Don’t brag in the world about your skills. Unless your fists pay your bills keep your mouth shut.”
Pingback: yeah write #242 challenge winners