To continue the end of the year posts today I’m gonna talk about things I’d like to burn down as in never hear about them again.
First thing, my thing I wrote in pain and anger long ago about a Paris Review gaffe. I never again want another random ass poet telling me that I’m talking about the quality of the poem, the oeuvre of whatshisass. No. Okay. So for the last time, if you’ve come to defend a poet whose career was in no way impacted by what I said who probably makes four times as much money off of words than I do, stop.
White people aligning consequences for bad behavior, racism, etc. with censorship. Can y’all have a meeting or something and talk that shit out, but not anywhere close to me?
Follow up- please do not message me to tell me what a good White person you are after you’ve read something I’ve written about racism. Just…don’t.
I also don’t want to hear people argue about MFA’s again. Like if y’all have a beef, can we not make it about Writers in the macro sense? That is so far out of my world and it bugs the fuck out of me when every place I read for lit news is all a flutter about it. I don’t care if you have one or not. That said, can we also call a moratorium on an MFA being a hallmark of dedication to the art?
Also, while we’re at it. Editors and other gatekeepers. You know, I want to appreciate a lot of y’all more, but when you talk so much shit about the slush pile and how awful all of us non MFA’d or non famous or non whatever writers are SUCH A FUCKING HASSLE and so awful to read, that sucks so stop. Or at least be honest and come out and SAY plainly that you don’t want to be truckin with the unwashed masses of poor and other type writers. Come on. Keep it 100.
Related. If you are in charge of a literary thing, do not use the word diversity when you’re not actually doing it. Just..please stop.
Now my turn.
To be set ablaze and buried, things I do, I don’t want to do anymore.
I really need to figure out how to both process and deal with my feelings of inadequacy. One of the big things is this.. (FYI, this is hard to talk about) when I see people writing similar things to what I’ve done and when I get crickets or harassed and they get ALL the cookies and monies and everything, I get so upset. Rationally, I know that there are MANY intersecting reasons why this happens. Emotionally, it just wrecks me. I have a lot of lingering internalized class stuff going on that I work on constantly, but I often have that feeling that well, I am not traditionally educated, I’m not throwing expensive getaways, shiny things that people with money like. I know that a lot of what I’m working on is worthy of all that, but emotionally it’s a big ass hurdle. Emotionally, shit is just so damn hard.
Second thing. I need to do more about trusting myself and my process. While I’ve been working on the next iteration of SCLAB, I’ve run into some new hurdles. I have to relearn to trust that I know how to do what it is I want to accomplish and just have to let it happen.
Next thing. I need to stop saying things to myself about my work and process and shit that are things I would NEVER say to anyone else. Full stop that is some bullshit so no.
I need to loosen up and write more about things that I’ve wanted to write about but haven’t allowed myself to. That’s a little vaguebookish but I have a lot of stuff that is in my brain that I want to let out but I’ve been hesitant. It always comes out of my brain as0 no NOPE DON’T YOU DUMB ASSHOLE NOBODY CARES. Well folks might not care but I want to write it anyway.
I think that’s all. I have a lot of work to do.
So my friends, burn it all down. Burn it BURN IT BURN IT!