Yeah Write entry#245- Lost Innocent

Lost Innocent

by

Shannon Barber

I was an Innocent.

For most of my life I did what Innocents do. When the darkness was too deep I looked away. I obeyed the frisson of fear, itching inside my tailbone. Like all Innocents my bones, knew The World and instinct kept me away.

Maybe it was depression or lethal curiosity that compelled me to open my eyes wide and see the door open. The Doorman had a smile as wide as a Cheshire cat and a manner so charming- no it wasn’t his fault. I walked through the door without a light or talisman or fucking clue.

The World opened to me and I thought I was special. The One, magical and chosen.

I wasn’t.

The World is dark, even during the paltry daytime. The air is thick and grimy, you can feel magic born of blood and terror crawl on your skin. The World is not the place of dreams and magical adventures where I got to be so special. It is the darkest of nightmares, the dark that reveals things to you in maddening wafting shadows and plays of dimness.

Sometimes while I’m cowering in some cave or ditch full of lukewarm water and moving things, if this is the warmer hearted sister of Tartarus or a hell of my own making.

My first night here I ran from some wordless creatures that I knew on sight wanted my pain and not my death. Artful sadists with vaguely human forms, not human enough for comfort and too human to not to be horrifying.

I was an Innocent.

I have learned what it is to be prey. I have returned to the primitive and primal. I have reconnected with my own innate animal nature.

All I want is to be an Innocent again.

The World is not for me.

The World….

                        is not for me.

###

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