So welcome to my first money post of the year.
Like last year around this time I’m looking at another increase in my cost of living (rent increase, transportation cost increase) to the tune of about 250$ dollars a month.
And no increase in income.
I’ve been mathing things out and budgeting and things aren’t quite dire but it’s not awesome.
I knew that 200 of the increase was coming for a while and as y’all might remember set up a gofundme to try and get a bit ahead. I am not fully funded, but I was able to do stuff like get a tablet, and a real winter coat. Stuff I absolutely wouldn’t have been able to do. I was also able to pay off last years rental insurance entirely and remove the monthly cost.
I also have Patreon. Last year my Patreon money was used mainly for things like some software, I saved up for and bought a new office chair and a desk for my laptop. And I got a new laptop. For a few months I had some treats, Audible and about 15 bucks to buy a fancy coffee once or twice a week.
My Etsy store made 60$ (the bulk of sales in April 2016) and my biggest selling item of the year is my little chapbook The Motherfuckess Manifesta.
This year I’m working on restructuring what I have to stretch.
I’m feeling pressed but not panicked. I have kept my promise to myself to not fuck myself up trying to freelance.
I have three book projects to finish (SCLAB, Poetrybookbabies) and other stuff to do.
So, I have been rebudgeting and it is a bit of an austerity budget. I am-
how do I feel?
I feel very tired. I feel torn about my desire to return to my more lit mag oriented roots because most of the ones I like and that I would like to be published in don’t pay.
I’m not acclimated to working dayshift yet so I’m not sure if my energy will pick up enough to freelance at least a bit. Or pick up enough for me to get a part time job.
Honestly y’all, I will likely not write about this type of thing that much this year. Mainly because of shit like this, I wrote a piece on Medium about why I’m not writing about racism for free right now. Here’s a chunk:
I have been more than open about the rock bottom of how to start working out how privilege functions in our lives, how to start not being or behaving in a racist manner, I’ve wept while I wrote about Black children being the victims of state sanctioned extra judicial murder.
Thousands of words.
Thousands of hours of work, the majority of it unpaid.
Hundreds of hours of being harassed, dealing with the hurt feelings of people I wasn’t talking to on a personal level.
Enough bullshit that I shut down my author facebook page, I limit the contact I have with strangers all so I can do the shit I’m supposed to be doing.
I am a working writer.
And frankly, if you can’t be arsed to look into my back catalog for the stuff I’ve already said, if you can’t be bothered to say hey, I want to pay you to write/teach about this thing- what are you doing?
One of the responses I left public was from Autumn Cole the founder of something called Writer Beat.
This article has to do with racism and I didn’t pay to read it.
There is a conversation with someone else on that thread and it is tedious.
There were a couple of other comments that were a bit more aggressive about their shitty pettiness and I just don’t have the emotional bandwidth to be out there showing my belly only to see this shit. Especially if I am not getting paid.
Also that shitty ass response is a whole OTHER post in and of itself and is a fine example of how Black people are disrespected so casually so often and folks wonder why some of us just stop doing what we’re doing.
Overall, I’m feeling like poverty has me by the throat. The current US regime will dance on my grave and I have too much to say.
That said, other work is going well.
That’s it for now.