Hi y’all. I hope the new year finds you upright and feeling not too terrible.
What’s good 2018?
So I’ve been in the background scheming and plotting and writing.
I’ve been making a lot of plans and working up a lot of decisions.
One of the things I’m thinking very hard about a couple of things.
Do I want to divest from a lot of traditional/mainstream lit world shit? The decision has been weighing heavily on my mind for months.
Honestly, 90% of literary pubs just do not cater to, serve or even on teh face of just reading them want shit to do with me. I feel like I’ve fought for the literary community so hard, I have done so much labor and wept and bled and had anxiety attacks and now, I just don’t know.
I’m very torn between my very deep and real love for the literary community at large and the fact that often after interactions, I feel beat up.
For a while I honestly just thought, maybe my work just sucks now. I suck. I mean, I got fucking doxxed for doing the work in terms of decolonizing and whatnot a writing space. I fall down these terrible shame holes when I check the analytics on damn near anything I do.
I have a BIG ass essay about this and all my real feels but really why do I do this to myself?
I originally had planned on actively seeking out more mainstream lit (remember I DO include freelance work in my saying lit world) world opportunities. And then I was like, why am I trying to put myself back into the same position I was in before? Do I really want to tell myself lies on the level that yes I can do me and STILL get the opportunities?
I did some heavy re-evaluating of what I want out of my creative life and here’s where I’ve landed for now.
- I will likely never be a super high dollar writer.
- I have a sizeable distrust of a LOT of people in the industry.
- I cannot work with people I don’t trust. I have to do that in the WHOLE rest of my fucking life so, I don’t want to do that with my creative work.
- The other choices I’m making in my life in order to improve the quality of my lived life can apply to my work.
- I have worked with some very amazing editors in the past couple of years, all of whom welcome me back with open arms and hearts and who appreciate me as I am.
So what am I gonna do?
- Write like the mother fucker I am.
- Continue to write what moves me and not what’s gonna make me money.
- Continue using Medium as a small income stream.
- Be a bit less shy about pitching the editors I trust.
- Continue being adventurous with what I’m doing.
That’s all the fuck I need to do.
All I have to do, is the shit I know I am good at.
The rest, will happen. I have to trust myself and my process and my Weird Voice and my heart.
That’s what is going down.
Soon, I’ll be coming back to nerd real hard again about some stuff. So happy new year babes.
I love y’all.