Featuring- The ever Delightful Minister Faust

Hi babes!

We’re back with a whole ass new featured person I enjoy. Meet Minister Faust. Author, speaker, podcaster, and very interesting human. I’ve been listening to his podcast MF Galaxy for actual years now. I actually feel like maybe I was shown his podcast back in teh LJ days? I dunno. I just really enjoy his work.

I’ve listened to many episodes of his podcast and y’all, I so deeply appreciate what he does. His fiction=A++ too. For me though, the podcasts are really everything. I really HIGHLY suggest checking them out. Check out his Patreon here. Listen to some episodes and enjoy as much as I do. My personal recentish faves, the episode with MICHAEL DORN. I wanted to leave a question so bad but I remember very vividly I had like zero voice. I also must confess I have that episode saved on my phone. See also, the episode with Nalo Hopkinson whom I am helplessly ass over tea kettle with. The recent episode with the homie Daniel Jose Older…y’all. Just go dabble in the amazingness.

SO come meet the homie.

First tell my friends as much as you’d like to about yourself and your work.

I create stories and teach others how to do the same. The form doesn’t matter. It’s all about stories and their capacity to inspire and connect us. If you want to know more about me, this is my literary bio: http://ministerfaust.com/about

How do you like to work? Do you need your workspace to be any particular way?

I just need to concentrate. I prefer to work in my office, but I can work in a library or on an airplane or any place I won’t be distracted.

Who are your favorite artists or authors?

I’ve had the blessing of experiencing great work from countless artists. I do want to draw attention to some who inspired me to create either the types of stories I do, or the way I write: Richard Wright, Linton Kwesi Johnson, The Last Poets, Allan Moore, Frank Herbert, Claude McKay, Mzwakhe Mbuli, and Fela Kuti were all major influences on my work when I was younger and they still are. That list is all-male, but that’s only because I’m listing the work that inspired me when I was younger and when I was too male-centered. I do want to note I encountered Eden Robinson, Nalo Hopkinson, Octavia Butler, Ursula LeGuin, and Jan Wong (among others) later in life and found their work stunning.

Do you have any memories of the first piece of art or literature that really moved you?

The original Star Trek had a massive influence on me. I watched plenty of it in the early 1970s while sitting in my mum’s lap. Idealised friendship in adventures among the stars.

What makes you ridiculously happy?

I would never ridicule anyone for being happy. That being said, I love little in life more than laughing and playing with my wife and children.

Do you still feel awe? If so what fills you full of it? If not, tell me.

Of course. Couldn’t write SFF without awe. Contemplating the tiny and the grand and the stunning miracle of consciousness is all it takes to experience awe.

Free for all: Tell me something good. (Yes I did just quote Chaka Khan at you)

I’m pretty sure I make the best bean pies in Canada. I picked up the taste after attending the Million Man March. The last time I was in NYC, staying in Harlem, and I couldn’t find anyone from the NOI selling bean pies on the street. I got one at a slick corner store. That mass-produced pie should have been ashamed to know who ate it. (Ate part of it.)

~

 

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Featuring- Most Beloved Jen Pastiloff. Writer, teacher, Mom, delightful human.

HI babes. Get a snack.

If you don’t know Jen I am so happy to introduce you to her. I’m not completely sure how our paths crossed but, she is one of the most giving, Jen Pastiloff is the founder of one of my favorite lit sites The Manifest Station and if you’ve been here a while, you might remember she published an essay of mine about my mental health (TW it is a lot of issues) and treated me with such love and dignity. That particular piece was one that I could not for the life of me sell in any form and she was so kind in her treatment of it.

Jen is, the antidote to the sort of shiny, BE POSI all the time Mommyness, yoga doing, life living thing. Y’all know I am purely allergic to both bullshit and aggressive positivity and Jen gives me a person who reflects how I want to talk to myself. Y’all know what I’m saying? She speaks my language. When I see her post, don’t be an asshole followed with how she’s being an asshole to herself, and to stop I feel seen and heard.

Jen is a relentlessly loving person. A real person who wears some really bomb lash extensions and has a lovely family and chunky biscuit baby whoms

What’s your name/pen name.

“Ugh, why is this always so hard? Let’s see: I can’t hear without my hearing aids so that is kind of annoying. I have terrible tinnitus (ringing in my ears) 24/7 so I have a high tolerance for getting used to things, as well as pain. This is not always a good thing. I stayed at the same waitressing job for almost 14 years in Hollywood because I “”was used to it.”” I stayed in an abusive relationship for 2 years because I was “”used to it.”” You get the point.
I have a fear of dentists. I watch too much Netflix (thank God for subtitles and blue-tooth hearing aids), I drink way too much coffee and wine, I have a 2.5 year old who is the love of my life and also a high pain in the ass. I live in a one bedroom apartment and share a bed with my husband and son and my dream is to have another bedroom and a washer and drier. Really, those are my dreams. Oh: also finding a cure for Prader Willi Syndrome, which is the rare genetic disorder my nephew Blaise has. It manifests itself in many hideous ways but the worst is that it makes the person feel starving all the time. Like, he could literally eat himself to death. It’s straight out of a science fiction film. Fuck Prader Willi.
I went to NYU but took a semester off after junior year and that turned into… what year is it? So yea, I am a college dropout. And I have a memoir publishing June 4 from Dutton Books. No, I am not suggesting you drop out of college but for the love of coffee, sometimes our paths are crooked. Maybe college is not for everyone. Maybe the person I am is because I did not finish? Who’s to say?
I am saying this: Embrace the not knowing. You have no idea where life will take you or what will happen. The sooner you accept this, the happier (slightly happier, at least) you will be.
I post a lot on instagram at @jenpastiloff. Especially with the hashtags #realmotherfuckinglife and #nopantssunday which are exactly what they sound like.
I like being real and pantlessless.
I think Lidia Yuknvaitch is a fucking goddess. I lead workshops with her called Writing & The Body and it has changed me to my core. In the best possible way.
I don’t sleep with my hearing aids in so mornings and the middle of night are hilarious. “”What? What did you say? Mommy doesn’t have hearing aids in.”” I 99% mishear what you are saying, even with my hearing aids in, and usually what I hear is way funnier.
My father died when I was 8. He was my entire world. It messed me up real good but I turned out okay. Also; I wrote a book about it one million years later, so there is that.
I believe we get to change our minds about who we are and what we want, despite what the world (or our own Inner Asshole has told us.) \Ugh, I curse a lot.
My motto is “”Don’t be an asshole”” but I believe we are all sometimes assholes. Because: humans.
Sometimes I feel like a walking dead person. Less than I used to, but still. Sometimes I do.
I take anti-depressants. I teach yoga. I lead workshops around the world that I made up where I encourage people to become free and give less fucks what anyone else thinks. I love what I do.
I give away more than I have. I don’t mind that.

How do you like to work? Do you need your workspace to be any particular way?

I need quiet, which is hilarious because I am deaf. No, I was not born deaf. I am not Deaf with a capital “D.” I just get distracted easily so I can’t have noise (besides the ringing in my head.) That is the only thing I need. I need to be surrounded with books or mementos or photos. Things that inspire me, remind me who I am, make me feel grounded. Books do that. They make me feel less lonely. I feel like they whisper to me, “Go on, girl. You got this.” I know it’s corny but I do. My favorite words are “I got you” and I need things around me to remind me of that sentiment. My other faves are: It’s going to be okay. Basically, I need to feel that to write. I have no system. No routine. No high demands. I can’t even type. But, I get it done. Which is again to say: you do you. You do not need to fit inside any kind of box. I call it the “just-a’box.” I am just a waitress, just a mom, just a yoga teacher. Barf in my mouth. You (and me) are not JUST an anything nor do we fit inside a box. Make up your own damn rules.

Who are your favorite artists or authors?

“You, Shannon Barber. Truly. Your poetry. Lidia Yuknavitch. Roxane Gay. George Saunders. Cheryl Strayed. Sam Irby. Emily Rapp Black. Rene Denfeld. Alice Anderson. Naomi Shihab Nye. Toni Morrison. Jesmyn Ward. Alexander Chee. Claudia Rankine. Marlon James. Christa Parravani. Rumi. Stephen Dunn. Stanley Kunitz. Liz Gilbert. Zadie Smith. Brenda Shaughnessy, Miriam (Mimi) Feldman (paintinga and her writing!!) Megan Stielstra. Elizabeth Crane. Rob Roberge. Gina Frangello. Paul Auster. Virginia Woolf. Annie Dillard. Maya Angelou. Jess Walter. Jeanette Winterson. Tana French. Kate Atkinson. Omg- this is so hard. I could go on and on. Hold on, let me get more coffee.
Sylvia Plath. Caroline Knapp. Hanya Yanagihara. Margaret Atwood. Leslie Jamison. Nicole Krauss. patti Smith. Joan Didion. Alice Walker. Judy Blume. On and on…. ”

Do you have any memories of the first piece of art or literature that really moved you?

My first thought is Judy Blume. The first real book I ever read as a teeny kid was “Forever.” It was full of sex. I loved it. I hid in my room behind my bed and read it in 2 days. It was before my dad died so those memories are hardwired into my DNA. I have a deep love of Judy Blume. Hi, Judy! You make the best art. You inspired me as a small human to write and look at me now. It’s your fault! Also, you named a penis Ralph in your book and that still makes me laugh. Ralph!

What makes you ridiculously happy?

“My son’s laughter. Napping in the middle of the fucking day. My fake ass eyelashes. Finishing something I am proud to have written. Leading my On Being Human workshops. A book I cannot book down. When my husband brings me coffee in bed (he does this every day. Not to brag, but, okay, I am bragging.)
A show I cannot stop watching (I am a binger to the core!) When there is no traffic in LA, which is basically like two days a year (Christmas and Jan 1.), Italian food in Italy, Paris, light coming through a window. The idea of my own washer and dryer! The handmade “”don’t be an asshole’ and “”don’t should all over yourself”” mugs someone made and mailed me. They are just just so stinkin’ cute! I can’t even make chicken and someone made me these!”

Do you still feel awe? If so what fills you full of it? If not, tell me.

“All the time. I call it “”beauty hunting.”” My son’s awe fills me with awe. Watching his toddler brain process something. Last night i was working on this interview at my computer and he comes over and says, “”It’s not time for work. It’s bedtime.”” He was right. I closed the computer and cuddled with him. My 2 year old is teaching me boundaries.
Nature brings me to my knees. I am no Mary Oliver, but, my God, look at the sky. It’s breathtaking. How do we get to live in the world? Look what it does.
Honestly, wifi while I am flying. Utter awe. I am just dumbstruck. Like: how can I text you on your couch while I am high in the clouds above Cleveland? My hearing aids. Sometimes just the shock of sound when I put them back in brings me to tears. Anti-depressants. Look dudes, I probably still wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them so that is all sorts of awe-inspiring.
What happens in my workshops. Transformation, connection, lifetime friendship, fear gets told to buzz off, people find their voices, change their minds, allow themselves to be held, listen to other people in ways they maybe never had. I can’t believe I get to do this and IF I EVER STOP BEING ASTONISHED I WILL BE DEAD.”

Free for all: Tell me something good. (Yes I did just quote Chaka Khan at you)

“Well, I recently started lifting weights and I feel really great. I remember when I was nearly dying from anorexia, if someone said that I looked “”strong”” or “”healthy”” I would have a literal panic attack. Now, I soar. It’s a tangible feeling of growth. I don’t think we necessarily “”overcome”” things or “”get over them”” but we learn how to live so that they are not controlling us, so that we are able to find slivers of happiness, or awe, as you aptly put it. I have bad days but the majority are good.
I am part of something SHAPE magazine is launching called WOMEN RUN THE WORLD and I will be featured in the June 2019 issue. I sold my book in The UK to John Murray (Hachette UK .) I have clean sheets as opposed to cookie crumb sheets (I sleep with a toddler.) I have a retreat coming up to France and the day after I return from Europe, my book launches. That is actually good, or very, very bad. Hashtag jet lag.
We are closer to 2020 when we can vote the evil cheeto out of office.
I no longer care (as much) what other people think.
Something else good? Here’s the good news: I know it feels sometimes like there isn’t enough room (for you, for me, for all of us) but there is. That€™s a lie. That€™s a bullshit story-as I call it.
Sometimes it may feel like about she got there first & SO WHAT IF SHE DID? There’s room for all of our stories, voices, creations.
If you get sucked into that spiral of Not Enoughness “you won’t create. You’ll think â what’s the point?
The point is YOU. You are the point. There’s no other you.
It’s not a cliche. Or it is, but for good reason.
I lived in the Land of Lack for years but I escaped! Not unscathed: I have moments where I slip back.
But I remind myself that there’s room! And I surround myself with people who remind me, who lift me up, who make me see THE ROOM I WAS INSISTENT ON DENYING THE EXISTENCE OF. Find those people. Do your thing. We need you. Don’t be an asshole & hide. Tattoo this on your heart: THERE IS ROOM FOR ME.
your inner a-hole will try & trick you & tell you that it’s too late. It’s been done, there’s too many ______ (whatevs your blank is), you’re too old, too fat, too sad, too single, too smart, too dumb, too open, too potty-mouthed….WHATEVER THE F! It’s a dirty trick. Don’t listen. There’s room There’s room There’s room There’s room There’s room. MAKE ROOM FOR YOURSELF. We need you.

Extras?

“I have a workshop coming up in NYC March 16. PDX with Lidia Yuknavitch april 5-7, Ft Worth April 27, France May 25-June 1, London June 2, Book launch at Skylight Books in LA with Lidia June 4, Powells in PDX with Lidia June 7, DC July 14, Malaprops Books in Asheville July 16, Kripalu in Massachusetts July 19-21, Philly Aug 24. All info at jenniferpastiloff.com. Or go here https://www.jenniferpastiloff.com/events

Preorders are so important. And, if you send proof of purchase by Feb 28 you get a gift. order wherever you like and submit proof here https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfOG-KBufmq-DE5t7NnUekkOi0enMt_Dld_5sSNhICW9xZguA/viewform. Thanks for preordering. It truly means the world. I got you, too.
I have a scholarship fund for a woman who has lost a child called The Aleksander Fund https://www.themanifeststation.net/2016/10/17/aleksander-scholarship-fund/. I run a literary magazine with Angela Giles called The Manifest-Station https://www.themanifeststation.net.
Besides my own instagram at @jenpastiloff I also have @nobullshitmotherhood and @GPowerYouAreEnough.

More info here https://www.jenniferpastiloff.com/onbeinghuman”

~

AND y’alls I’m serious. You see why I love her.

Featuring- Caroline Blicq of Hexennacht.

Hello my friends.

A very long time ago on a blog far far away, I liked to post little interviews with folks I like. I decided that, we’re gonna do that here.

I’ll be featuring writers, artisans, other folks I find cool. First up the amazing scent witch Caroline Blicq, head spoopy babe in charge of and creator of Hexennacht. What is Hexennacht? First some background.

In the aforementioned blog far far away, I met someone who introduced me to the world of hand made perfume oils. For a good portion of my adult life, I was one of those people who would chase down the hood guy who sold oils out of his backpack, or I’d go to the Pan-African import stores for perfume oils. I love them.

I’ve used lots of brands and have a small but delicious collection. Right now, Caroline makes my faves.

hexen
[image description: HEXENNACHT in stylized font]
Before we get to the interview, let me give y’all a little review.

First of all, Caroline creates scents that are evocative, skin loving and frankly every one I’ve tried including my first order of currently unavailable scents, has just been delicious. My tastes tend to run to darker scents. I like notes like tobacco, leather, honey, candles, incense. My first two favorites were these:

Coffin Nails – Tobacco leaves, tobacco flower, whiskey, ginger, anise, coriander, clove, spices, fruitwood sap, juniper berry, hay, vetiver, benzoin, labdanum, vanilla pods, tonka bean, honey.

AND another classic fave:

Papa Legba – Aged dark Maduro cigars, spiced vanilla, beeswax votives, golden honeycomb.

If you click around the scent descriptions, you’ll Caroline has a nice hand at both humour and scent description. These perfumes are extra, the packaging is extra and much to my delight the human I adore, Caroline is also extra af.

Now, my last order was just a beauty. Check it out:

20190205_164713
[image description: a black package with silver writing on it that has my name on it, Shannon  a heart and a planchette shaped logo with Hexennacht in silver ink]
One of the reasons I love handmade items is, I like to feel special. Caroline puts care into her packaging and even just the touch of having my name written all pretty like that makes me really happy.

20190205_164903
[image description from the left: two sample sized vials of perfume oil. The top one is labeled Holy Water, the bottom is labeled Morning Star. In the middle there is a brown toned sticker with a photo of a pentegram on a wooden floor, it says hexennacht in lower case letters. On the right there are two perfume oil roll ons, the left hand one is labeled Black Phillip and the one on the left is labeled The Gunslinger.
Now, ahem. Y’ALL. Black Phillip is so fucking sexy. I feel like a whole ass Love Witch when I wear it. The description:

Black Phillip – black amber, dragon’s blood, black musk, tonka, black oak, firewood embers, black currant, soft woods, black pepper.

On my skin, immediately upon application I smell mostly the dragon’s blood and musk. Once it dries down it turns into this lightly sweet, peppery warm amazingness.

The Gunslinger I got for my partner (who by the way will wear whatever I put on him and perfume isn’t a thing that must be gendered), well actually I got it for me but it smells better on him.

The Gunslinger – Hints of sulphurous gunpowder, smoky, dark, mildly sweet, and spicy with notes of smoke and wood.

I LOVE the note of gunpowder. LOVE IT. It does not work with my body chemistry and turns weird and sour. On the partner, it is a sharp smell that mellows into that mildsweetness on his skin. Pure. Hotness.

Today I am wearing Inferno – orange pekoe tea, orange, clove, cinnamon, ginger. Y’alls. There is a tea here in WA that is so good and she managed to not only capture it, but on the skin it just smells so warm and soothing and another sexy scent. This scent is so fucking sexy, a straight woman kinda hit on me while we were sitting next to each other on the bus. That is how good she is.

Caroline’s scents are beautifully complex and so easy to wear in ways that have a low impact on folks around you. You can adjust the intensity to your own preferences. If you don’t like scent on your skin, try it in a scent locket. I have one I wear sometimes if I just want something to lift my mood.

NOW my loves, meet the divine Caroline.

What’s your name/pen name: Caroline Blicq

First tell my friends as much as you’d like to about yourself and your work.

I’m a Canadian transplant, and have lived in Seattle for 22 years. I started out making herbal infusions, tinctures, and tisanes 25 years ago, and over time, it gradually evolved into perfumery.

How do you like to work? Do you need your workspace to be any particular way?

I like to work in either complete silence or loud music. There’s no in-between. I also NEED to have an inordinate amount of “alone” time. I’ve always thrived on having minimal interpersonal interaction, and thankfully, working out of my home makes that possible. As far as my workspace goes, it doesn’t appear to be in any set “order”, but I know exactly where every single one of my 300+ blends is located at any given moment. For that reason alone, I’ll never be able to have assistants, but then again, that would cut into my alone time, so it all works out very well for me.

Who are your favorite artists or authors?

“Music: Kate Bush, Etta James, Fiona Apple, Frank Sinatra, Stevie Wonder.
Authors: Paul Beyerl, Judika Illes, c.s. lewis, Stephen King, Joe Hill”

Do you have any memories of the first piece of art or literature that really moved you?

I was OBSESSED with Lynda Barry’s graphic novels as a teen. I still am.

What makes you ridiculously happy?

Music, my home/sanctuary, my family, getting to make a living doing what I love the most.

Do you still feel awe? If so what fills you full of it? If not, tell me.

I was gifted a Hawaiian vacation last year, and snorkeling with tropical fish is by far the most amazing, exhilarating thing I have ever done in my life. I’m obsessed with going back there someday.

Free for all: Tell me something good. (Yes I did just quote Chaka Khan at you)

It’s 2019. I’m having to dig deep to come up with something good these days. Is it re-election time yet? Haha-

Extras?

Shop: http://www.hexennacht.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hexennacht.scents
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1510610669028654/

 

Liebster Award

I got tagged by the folks from Hessian With Teeth (which is a great fucking name by the way) so here we go.

First 11 things about me:

  1. One of the reasons I have not yet finished a novel is that I am afraid I can’t do it. I’m working on it.
  2. I really love bugs. I am very into insects because when I was a tween I read a book with a forensic entomologist and have been obsessed since. My favorites are moths of varying species, very large beetles and Madagascar Cockroaches. I love them all so much I plan to get insect themed tattoos on my chest.
  3. I am very into beauty and make up. I love wearing, writing about, researching and wallowing in it. Between you and I was not interested until I figured out how to deal with beauty ideals on my own terms. In other words I figured out fuck em. I have my own ideas about beauty and will indulge myself as I see fit.
  4. We know I’m deep into self care. For me it is a means of survival and I try to treat myself like a fucking queen at every opportunity.
  5. I also really fucking love sharks. Shark week is the best week on TV and I NEEDED megalodon to be real. Like I squee like a cracked out five year old when I see anything about sharks. See this meme I tend to yell that at the tv when shark shows are on: shark
  6. I not so secretly kind of melt/shutdown when really good things are going/happening I get really scared and I want to curl up like a potato bug and freak out. I”m trying to not but it’s hard.
  7. I am a musical fanatic. I listen to a whole lot of music and I can nerd out about musical things for hours. My favorite is connecting music with influences and stuff.
  8. When I am sad or uncomfortable or otherwise need to soothe myself I sing. I love to sing and sometimes have a nice voice. Taking voice lessons to learn to sing properly is on my bucket list. I am a natural tenor and like to sing swing music the most. Although I dream of having a big balls metal voice
  9. I am really very into the idea of living in a large space but I don’t actually want to own property.
  10. Most of the TV I watch is murder. Forensics shows, murdery mystery, recreations. I dunno why but I find it soothing.
  11. Holy shit I’m bad at these.

Now onto their questions.

ur questions for them are:

1) What convinced you to start blogging?

I started blogging a really long time ago. First just for fun and to write down my adventures. And then in the last I dunno six years or so I’ve used blogging as a way to learn how o write non fiction.

2) Do you volunteer? For what cause and why?

I suppose my other blog is volunteerism. I do it because I care about folks. I don’t have the spoons to do a lot of in person stuff but I do what I can for stuff like body politics, sex ed, I will pass along beneficial information to people and stuff.

3) Do you consider yourself an activist?

Yes.

4) What is your favorite genre to read?

JEEZE uh. I don’t actually have one. I go through moods where I read one obsessively until I need a break. Currently I’m reading a lot of memoirs and fantasy.

5) Who is your favorite author and what is your favorite book by them?

I have a lot of favorites. I reread a lot of Selby.

6) If you could spend the day with any well-known figure (alive or dead), who would it be and why?

Uh.  I am not sure. NEXT QUESTION.

7) What truths, if any, do you hold as self evident? Why?

I believe that the world can be better because it has to be.

8) Do you attend any conferences? If so, which ones any why?

I went to my first one this year. It was way more intense than I expected and I had a series of massive panic attacks, almost pooped my pants (YAY anxiety) but I did a reading and it was great. I also met Roxane Gay and she was super nice to me. I sort of stared at Kyle Minor and then ran away. I met some folks, I did an anonymous postcard exchange, I won some swag and came home with a bag full of journals and things. And a free pen from Cimarron Review and they were very nice. I am hoping to try it again better prepared.

9) What is your dream job?

Writer, freak (as in body modded weirdo), oddities collector, maker.

10) If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?

I would make it easier to get people to use their critical thinking skills and understand context.

11) If you could make a movie, what would it be about and who would be in it?

I would like to make a horror movie with an all POC cast and my own version of the vampire mythos.

~

Okay I’m not tagging people cause I”m a rebel and I’m nursing a migraine hangover.

Other folks should do these.

Um.

OH righty right. I need to get grinding on submissions I only have three out right now and that feels funny to me. I’m ready.

Later I’m gonna talk about some really amazing stuff.

So go do stuff. Answer these questions in the comments with links and stuff.

GO GO GO.

Also head over to my etsy shop (link in the sidebar on your right) and buy stuff. Baby needs some new holes in her face.

Holy wow stuff is happening.

Okay so already 2014 is turning out to be both awesome and overwhelming.

So the first thing was that Dena interviewed me for Luna Luna magazine.

Then I got a poetry acceptance at The Camel Saloon. I’ll let y’all know when it’s live. Also read that spot it’s good.

AND today I found out my essay from Literary Orphans is going into their anthology.

Holy shit.

I am to put things in internet parlance full of feelings I don’t know what to do with.

Glee. Fear. Nervousness. Expectation.

I’m having a hard time rebalancing work days with time to write. I’ve been tired. I get frustrated and ragey and full of feelings.

I am also frankly panicky.

So I’m trying to deal with myself.

AND you can buy a brand spanking new story in my Etsy.

Something happened, and another thing.

This year has started off pretty fucking good outside of insomnia to the point of hallucination (YAY ME) and I’ve already fallen down once.

First up my friend Dena interviewed me for Luna Luna Magazine and you can get it here.

Also I got my first poetry acceptance in forever. I am pretty stoked about that.

I am three rejections deep into the new year. One stung like a son of a bitch and two were super complimentary.

The shit balances out.

Uh other than that nothing super new is going down.

I have been writing some flash. I tried some noirish gangster flash. It’s not particularly a story-story but I like it.

I need to get to going with submissions and shit. I feel like I need to rearrange my writing time. Do I want to wait until I get home where I want to just go the fuck to bed or do I bring Bloop (my computer) with me and write somewhere for an hour at night and thus make my day outside of home go up to 14 hours?

Probably the former. My partner got me an adorable lap desk and I will get myself one of those bed recliner pillow things.

I will be updating my website here soon and please don’t forget. Women writers, if you know wo

Oh my.

I’m just finishing up a few pieces of erotica.

They are filthy, kinky gender fucking madness.

They are not romantic.

They are not sensual (fuck I hate that word).

They are not stories I would be okay with having arty airbrushed White people on the covers of.

They aren’t really “ethnic” enough for arty airbrushed brown people.

Two of them are pants scorchers. They are similar but one is marginally hetero flavored the other one lesbian.

There is a lot of crying, spanking and big dicking lady Leather Daddies.

From the time of my first erotic publication about what now 15 years ago or so? The market has been heavily romanticized and homogenized.

Frankly the erotica that is to my taste (I’ll give links and suggestions later) is rare.

As I’ve said before, the covers bother me. I’d rather have a plain cover though I know that’s a bad marketing move.

But, I can’t bring myself to submit to some of the few places I might sneak in because I don’t see me being marketed to.

I was just checking out one press and every category except the ‘ethnic” one was oceans of White people who are all very conventionally attractive in a stock photo kind of way, unchallenging and for me as a reader not really a turn on.

I’m in that bitter place where I feel edged out because what I think is romantic and makes me tingly in the crotchal region isn’t what brings in the big bucks.

Or maybe this is one of those angsting author things.

I don’t know.

What I mostly feel as I do my market research is this:

  • Uncomfortable (pick a reason. I’m not heterosexual, I’m not White, I’m not into that being all there is)
  • Transgressive in my queer up all the things attitudes towards how I write sexuality.
  • Unmarketable.
  • Disquiet. Where (as I believe Remittance Girl has asked) is the edge? Where is the fuck you (no that’s not how she put it) in all these nice romantic with some spanking things?

All that said, I don’t care if that’s what you like or what you write.

Shit go on with your bad self. Write it like a mother fucker and make that money if you can. That’s awesome.

What’s not awesome is that every time I go to maybe submit some smut someplace, feeling all those feelings that are not good.

When romance started filtering into the industry and there were fewer edgy (I also hate using that word in this context) markets I stopped writing a lot of erotica.

We know I don’t generally write for profit.

But I don’t want to let them molder.

I’m tempted to self publish them.

However I am not the best at that.

Self promotion isn’t my strong suit.

So I’m going to collect them up and maybe shop it to some of the more adventurous presses.

I don’t know.

I suppose the part that always gets me is the fact that there’s room for all of the things.

From boot licking in an alley nasty to the sweet sweet romantic.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

So okay what do I like? Let me show you some of my favorites. These are classics in my head:

Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power edited by Simon Shepphard and M. Christian.  Uh fuck this book is so hot. SO hot. Raunchy, filthy, nasty and everything I love.

If you like erotica and don’t know M. Christian’s work come on son. My favorite way to be a M. Christian pusher is his collection Dirty Words. Just get it.

Best Bisexual erotica. Get all of them.

So yes those are pretty queer but if you look at even the descriptions you’ll probably get what I’m talking about.

I’m tired and emotional. I should get my contacts out and calm down. It will be fine. I will figure it out.

In the meantime go buy a dirty book you won’t be sorry.