Updates, Stuff n thangs.

OH hey y’all.

I have SO MUCH NEWS Y’ALL.

If you’ve been rolling with me for a while you know sometimes I save up good news and then I throw it all at you like confetti. Get ready.

First up, Y’ALL Y’ALL Y’ALL!!! My baby is born!

Gasoline Heart my lil poetry book baby is available for pre-order. Looky here. She is so pretty and ugh fuck. Y’all.

ALl I could do when my publisher said it’s gone to print is respond as follows:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*gasp*AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Ahem. Holy shit. Holy shit HOLY SHIT.

If the FCC hasn’t burned the internet to the ground I am working up a virtual tour/readings and will let y’all know.

Ahem.

Next thing is, y’all I got one more publication for the year. It is a bucketlist item. I GOT PUBLISHED IN THE MOTHA FUCKIN WANDERER Y’ALL!!!!!!!!!!! See my poems here.

Y’all, most of my favorite poets are/have been in there. The poems published there were each rejected from a LOT of places, essentially thanks but no thanks rejections. Most of my poetry (in case you’ve ever wondered) has traditionally gotten that type of response from the pobiz. Thanks but no thanks, thanks but we don’t do confessional/personal/blabla. So this is huge for me. Especially with the baby on the way. I have an essay in the works about it but yeah huge deal.

What else?

My much rejected essay about some of my literary influences is up at Medium behind the paywall. Here’s a taste:

I did what I’d taught myself to do. I read every word JT wrote that I could get my hands on. I studied it, I read about it, I remember writing in a journal why I liked it, how I liked it. And then I wrote my very first personal essay. It was, of course a hot mess, scrawled in a red glitter Wizard of Oz diary. It was a gory blow by blow about a terrible relationship-ish situation I’d found myself in.

I wrote it with gusto and terror. I wrote about how, as terrible as being abused was, I was happy to be wanted sometimes. My language was simplistic, I relied heavily on using vulgarity and explicit sex to hide my real emotions. It took me several weeks to write and I was so proud of myself when it was done. I typed it up on a computer at the library and printed it out, I read it in secret late at night alone and hid it deep inside my mountain of things.

Find it here. Feel free to throw claps or pass it along to friends who are down with Medium paywall.

That’s pretty much it for pub news.

In side hustle news. GOOD NEWS!! Patreon decided not to go ahead with the terrible fee schedule change. SO that means, Imma be expanding that shit.

More about that in my end of year wrap post later.

You can read some standalone Daiyuverse here at wattpad.

Um yeah. I think that’s all in the news you can use.

I have been grinding in the background, trying to get ready for large life changes. Writing like a motherfucker.

Hopefully before the end of the goddamn year I will finish my new pro website AND shit.

As usual I’m flailing into the future fully hype and terrified.

That’s it for now. Coming soonish, my end of year wrap up, some news and whatnots. And I’m gonna do one last giant link list so y’all, drop them links to your stuff in the comments.

 

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Writer Financials- The Medium Experiment

Y’all ready?

Let’s talk some spare coins, Medium etc.

A while back I closed my merch and Etsy shops due to both being epic failures.

How epic?

Etsy I broke even in a year by about .20 cents.

At the time of close, in close to two years on Etsy while following marketing guides etc and offering a lot for a reasonable amount (low even) I only sold a few stories priced between 1-5$.

I never sold a thing in my merch store in two years.

The problem was not just a lack of profitability but frankly, when folks asked for my links and then bought nothing and didn’t share them I got fed up seeing all zeros so I closed the shit.

I still need slow money side hustles and got the email that Medium was opening up for writers to put stuff behind a paywall.

So in November I had 1,274 views, 510 reads and 27 new fans.

My Self Care Like a Boss material flopped like whoa and I’ll probably not put more of that there.

My Dear Sir/s piece where I talk about dicks a lot performed a hell of a lot better.

I have a few hundred claps on the Dear Sir/s piece that I literally wrote on the bus one night. For November I stand to make 22$ give or take a bit.

Not bad for a low investment of time on my part.

Not optimal but yanno.

For me Medium will likely only ever be slow/low cash. I don’t tend to have whatever it is that brings out the claps and therefore the cash.

In terms of writing hustle, given the doxxing situation and my own lack of spoons I haven’t been able to freelance a whole lot. Most of my output has been focused on Patreon and saving all my pennies to move my partner and I.

So really, after a little over a month Medium is worth the time for me. It has worked out better than several suggestions because I’m not spending time sourcing/taking photos etc or trying to jam my content into a place where there just isn’t a space for it and y’all know I don’t usually just write bullshit.

What next?

I don’t know.

I have my writing classes almost ready to roll out but I’m hesitant to release them. I’ve worked so hard on them and seeing them not do well because reasons would really be devastating for me. I mean, real talk. For me, the worst writing/art hustle thing has been a complete lack of follow up interest in shit I do.

I dunno y’all.

I guess the thing is that I don’t mind taking the L in terms of radio silence on pitches, rejections, etc. But this, I dunno.

I also feel like being that there have recently been people intent on fucking up my life, I don’t want them, to fuck up my special thing.

Take away?

I’ve got some pitches out. I’ve got some more things to post up at Medium. I’m hustling.

My writing classes? Yeah y’all I dunno. I need to figure out how to offer them without damaging my heart.

I was hesitant to talk about this more. I am already a vulnerable person and y’all know that’s kinda my thing. I’m gonna show you my dirty little bleeding heart. And I know I could be endangering myself and my future endevours by talking but well, I can’t not be who I am forever you know?

But y’all know me.

There you have it.

I’m calling Medium a win because the 22$ will keep me in coffee for the month.

I think that’s all for now.

It is giving Tuesday, feel free to check out my stuff in the sidebar there, feel free to throw some tips in my general direction.

YeahWrite #342 Weekend Writing Showcase

 

CONTENT WARNING- SERIOUSLY. NECROPHILIA AHEAD. 

Beyond Love.

 

I love you.

I loved you.

Until death do us part.

Congratulations darling, we made it. Can you believe it? I know, it was such a surprise but the look on your face was worth. The shock, the wide eyes and the screaming. Your little piggy squeals made my heart leap. It was really the sweetest most charming thing I’ve ever seen. I just love you so much. You are the perfect girl.

Oh, hold on I see you had a little accident. It’s okay love, don’t be embarrassed. These things happen when our bodies are cleansing themselves after death. Let me just, yeah okay let’s put your arm around my neck so we can get you rolled over. Good, perfect. Now, let’s wipe that off. when I was researching how best to help take care of your skin, you know what happened? I spent four days researching Lenin of all people. I wish I could do that for you, you know that don’t you?

I know, I’m sorry about this. Oh sweetheart, I understand. A bit of skin slippage is completely normal. The rigor took a bit of a toll on you too. Good news, you are all clean again. Did you like it when I touched you there? I liked it. I’ve never done you know, no you know. Am I blushing? I’ve never done any back door stuff with anyone. You see, you see how special you are?

Maybe we can try some, you know butt stuff? I don’t want to rush you. I know the other place; the sacred place is waiting for me. I can wait.

I want to wait. We’ve already been through so much together. Arterial spray, the piglet screams, the slow ebbing away of that light in your eyes. In those final moments, I saw how you saw me. You saw through what society says and what anyone else thinks. You saw into my heart and then, you laid back and closed your eyes. I can still feel the wetness of your last breath on my lips, it was right in that moment that I knew I’d chosen right.

You have always been the one.

I promised you as your body relaxed and released that I would be with you through it all. As far as I can. I will love you through bloat and CDI.

I promise my love, when the moment is right and the heat of decomposition runs riot in your body, we will be one. My love will drive the creatures from your body and I won’t share you ever again. When you begin to desiccate and your flesh is sloughing away, you will still be beautiful to me.

When you are bones, I will carry you with me for the rest of my life.

I love you.

I loved you.

After death do us part.

Nanowrimo, Writing and stuff.

Hello adventurers!

I see some of y’all are about that Nanowrimo life and I say, Go FORTH AND DO ALL THE THINGS! WRITE THAT SHIT!

My personally philosophy about Nanowrimo is that you can use it however you need it. The first few times I did it, around 2011 I mostly needed to figure out how could write something longer than say 3k words. I knew I could write but that much? Yes I could. I found that while my little novellas were the hottest of shitty messes, I learned a lot about myself as a writer.

Also, having that sort of small (for me, i was VERY shy even on the internet back then. I KNOW WEIRD RIGHT) community of people who liked to cheer me on and encourage me to just write that shit was invaluable to me. I learned what it was like to have someone say yes, YES YOU DO THAT SHIT who wasn’t already a friend.

The other things I found doing Nanowrimo is that while no, I was not one of those fabled folks to get book deals and shit. I did start finding out how could/do write fantasy. How I want to present certain things. The Daiyuverse was born during Nanowrimo. I wasn’t cutting teeth the way I was cutting teeth in literary fiction at the time.

I was devouring words and methodology and while I was devouring I was playing. I was doing like this here:

That was how my nerdy little soul was getting down. Wild. At the time, I felt that the only way to be a “real author” was through very specific channels. I believed in the idea that if I ground it out in short fiction, someone who expressed interest in my work who was also in a position of power would publish it and BOOM REAL GROWED UP WRITER.

For me, this view was part of my angst over not having much of a formal education. I was trapped in this shame bubble and it was hobbling me creatively. I had such grand dreams of not only being a literary mega super star AND a horror queen AND a memorist AND  AND AND.

What clicked for me in my nano adventures was this.

All I have to do is write. I am a writer. And that’s fine. Not only fine, it is fucking amazing.

I heavily credit doing nanowrimo for years with setting me free in a way I was not able to find elsewhere.

I know a lot of people poop on the idea of just churning out words. It is kind of counter intuitive.

That said, if you really want to just run with something, nanowrimo is a great chance. I believe fully in the art of Writing Like A Mother Fucker and if you don’t know how, now is a great time.

Now this year I’m not doing nano proper. I’m actually making it my goal to have rewrites on Cycle 1 of the Daiyuverse done and in December have the ebook available for purchase. That is my goal for the month alongside getting out this chunk of cycle 2 to my patrons.

Also on a personal note. So, I’ve been/am being doxxed. I don’t have much to say about it aside from it has really bummed me out. Naturally that’s putting it lightly but I mean, it’s not the first time. Probably won’t be the last. So I’m dealing with it.

I dunno.

On one hand it makes me hesitant to really get some of my side hustles started but also eager to do them.

That said.

Ahem.

Here is what we’re looking at. Some original Be That Shit University Writing 101. The class I’m designing can be applied to any type of writing and focuses on doing that shit. I have some methodologies both digital and analog, some poking and stuff.

My market isn’t really people who already know how to write. Y’all I will get to. I’m looking at helping folks see and let loose their writing. This can be for fun, as an addition to an in place creative practice. Maybe you just wanna find out. The prices will be accessible and I might be open to offering select discounts.

I got you boo.

No bullshit. No intense literaryness.

Just you and me, talking like this. Available at your liesure via  a downloaded kit. You’ll get a couple of flash pieces, some poems and I’ll even include an unedited free write along with suggestions of how to write like a mother fucker, some timed exercises.

Consider this, if you like an intro to writing some shit. No pressure. No promises. Just no bullshit information.

I’m still getting my materials together, but I decided fuck it. I can’t do video right now, I still really enjoy teaching and talking about writing. I have wanted to do this forever. Boom here we are.

And the only real reason I have the um thangs to do this is because I know so many wonderful talented humans. Like best selling writers, writers who’ve never published a thing, artists, poets, SO MANY AMAZING PEOPLE.

And the women and femmes in my life.

I know women and femmes in my life who hustle so hard and so beautifully it just, y’all it makes me want to sit down and cry for joy. My community is pretty fucking great.

SO my darlings.

To keep up on when I release my classes and to get artsy fartsy opinions and musings come sign up for my newsletter. 

Nerdhole Yammerings.

First y’all. Brought to me by my fave Murder Bear and my Comrade Scott Nicolay, read this essay. 

Imma get nerdy because y’all..okay before nerdery let me tell u a thing. You know how I’ve been sick as fuck for like 2 months? Turns out I have epic infections in my faceholes. Sinus, ear, near teeth involvement and my face ballooned up on Monday and I wound up in the ER for a few hours.

Upshot is I’m on a fuckload of major antibiotics, painkillers and shit to deal with the bodily fuckery caused by said antibiotics. This is probably why I’ve felt so terrible for so long and it is fucking awful. And I gotta work so here we are.

So yeah.

Shit is fucked up. Money is fucked up. I feel fucked up.

So let’s nerd.

I have a strange sort of poky relationship with weird fiction. A lot of the weird fiction I’ve read hasn’t resonated with me as a reader for lots of reasons. A lot of the time the strangeness and sense of danger I crave in what I consider weird is missing.

I’ve thought a lot about that and I think it comes from being a Black person in the world. My feelings about horror a lot of the time are similar. I can appreciate weird and prettily written. I dig it but I don’t really -feel- it. For me weird fiction needs to unsettle me at a deep level to hold my attention.

Horror and Weird *HW for the duration* is just so conservative underneath. and I’m not talking industry fuckery. I mean, for fuck sake we’re still arguing about whether or not Lovecraft’s racism is important soo…

Anyway.

Lately some authors I’ve loved from afar for a long time and whom I sorta know personally have put out things that disturb me on that special level and inspired me to get back into creating HW.

Meeting and reading these authors has given me a new level of faith in what creeps me out. That is a place that in my work I feel is somewhat sacrosanct. I can’t take it being sullied by bullshit.

HW is my sacred place where I can reach back into my baby potato writerhood and use my adult brain to explore and play with form and texture in a way that other types of writing. Even within the Daiyuverse I’ve set myself some boundaries and constraints even though I am making up the magical system and whatnot but I am trying to keep a certain flavor to the work and keep a type of cohesion going.

I think that the disconnect for me as a reader is the same as it is often with Bizarro fiction. On one hand I appreciate it but I tend not to feel it and I don’t like that.

So that said I’ve been dipping back into The World. As last seen during yeah write. For me I want to revisit the world and explore more ways of digging into it. The overall thematic arc is weird to me. That basically the world is not the world for reasons that if you find them out as an Innocent, you won’t be okay. I play with the chosen one idea, my chosen ones aren’t pure pretty blond valley girls.

They are hoes and strippers, scrappy lesbians, folks with Sankofa knowledge, some who are cut off from their cultures and jobs. Addicts. I take those factors and I want to weave them into the narratives not as morality points but as backdrops for the weirdness. The stories in the world are really the opposite of what most HW I’ve found is.

They are generally fairly concrete in ways, they take place in the hood but not in the suburban kids go to the hood to buy drugs (the basis for a popular horror author’s book that I hated, not to be named just because I don’t want his stans coming up in here again, if you search the blog hard you’ll find it) and wind up in a haunted/creep house. Nah.

What I’m playing with isn’t classic Horror or Weird.

It isn’t the pastoral delights of Rural Maine where the magical shuck n jive negroes roam.

I don’t want to hide eroticism when it happens, or separate cosmic flavored horror. I want this thing that I might be doing to be weird as I feel like these things would be weird in the world I live in.

I stopped working on this last year because of more run ins with just shitty shitty stuff in the business that made me feel like my playspace was ruined. I had some more of these flash stories tucked away but my zeal was tarnished.

That said, y’all know I’ve reached fuck it and well fuck it.

I’m not as fast at doing fiction as I used to be but, this is a thing going on behind the scenes. Eventually I will probably offer this as a little ebook on Amazon or something for funsies.

We’ll see.

At the end, it might not turn out to be weird fiction at all. I dunno. We’ll go for the ride together.

I’ll probably do a few more warm up Yeah, Writes. And let me say again how great Yeah, Write is for honing your skills y’all. Get on that.

I think that’s all. I’m very tired and my guts are abubblin.

I love y’all.

Tools and Whatnots.

Let’s talk tools. (There will be affiliate links)

In 2016 I bought a little used RCA windows tablet. I bought it mainly to write on. It was small enough to be portable for me and not so expensive I’d freak out in public if someone touched it.

Well, lil buddy is pretty much only good for games now. It served well and the keyboard took my beastlike pounding pretty well.

So now, I am on the hunt for a new thing.

Folks keep recommending things like the Lenovo Yoga tablet. Or of course a Windows Surface. Both sexy little things that give me a nerd boner. Words like ultraportable make me feel a lil something in the pants.

But, if I go that route I’m going to have to wait until at least next May and I’d rather not do that.

The thing with the RCA tablet is that even at peak, it just wasn’t quite powerful enough for my needs. I need to be able to run my word processing, probably have an internet window or four open for other research and not have it lag out or crap out. I am honestly too paranoid to carry my big ass laptop so, new tablet it is.

I’m thinking I will probably get a Kindle 10. Multiuse gives me wood although most of the cases with keyboards I’ve found have looked a little wee tiny for me to get used to.

I do wish that Kindle, Android and microsoft would stop pissing on each other so a body could use shit they pay for like Office365 across more devices without bullshit. I am a little leery that I won’t be able to use word online the way I like with a kindle 10.

If I get the kindle 10, I’m going to have to do a work around.

What I really want is laptop capability, with real windows 10 and tablet size.

Most of the office related apps I’ve tried are shit for working on and Google Docs has dry fucked me one too many times.

This little thing here is about as close to ideal as I think I’m going to get.

Presuming I can sell two or four more essays I can probably get one in Decemberish.

I don’t want to be reliant on apps. Microsoft apps just don’t work in a way that makes them very usable for me. And you can’t use online Word with mobile devices. I am also really reluctant to depend on wifi as well.

Sometimes trying to get tech shit figured out as it intersects with economic shit is bullshit.

Other than that, things are fairly okay. Laptop at home is working nicely.

Ahem.

As things stand right now. Here is what my side hustle/patreon money budget looks like.

bills

Bear in mind these are my personal bills currently. This doesn’t count family budget. Not rent and shit. Being that Sept-October have both been financially crazed and I’m trying to save up from my side hustle money to move…well.

In a perfect world, this budget would leave me about 85$ to use to tuck into my moving savings. I make a tiny bit over 200$ a month on Patreon but I account for folks lowering pledges and declines.

Logically/rationally I will not buy any new tech/anything that costs more than 10$ for a while. My entertainment budget is pretty much 0$. After this week I’m giving up my morning coffee/calm/poetry time. I’m taking a slightly later bus so I can walk to the transit center so I don’t have to walk around downtown for an hour before work, neither is great but the later bus is the slightly safer option.

This morning I tweeted a little about my current situation and two people kindly checked in and a couple sent me emails to lecture me about how to budget.

I hate doing this.

But y’all ready for the poor people dance?

HERE IT GO.

I work a full time actual real job. It is almost barely enough to cover household bills. I’m talking my partner’s care/medications, rent, lights, phone/internets. Our household entertainment budget is 15$.

So the house budget is pretty much on lock and every red fucking cent I make in my day  job is just for staying alive.

So as I’ve talked about fucking constantly, writing money and patreon are for literally everything else.

After the last couple of months shit has been rough.

SO okay per usual. You can find my various tip jars in the side bar, check out my Patreon or donate to my Gofundme.