Or I could call this survival in the face of White Supremacy clocking a big win.
If I’ve questioned myself as an artist lately, last night and today changed my mind.
I don’t know a lot of things. Including what my future holds, but I know this. I know why Trump won and I’m not surprised. If you are surprised, you’ve not paid attention to what people like me have been saying.
White Supremacy is a mother fucker.
The only reason I was with her was because I didn’t want this.
In the last couple of weeks I’ve been having nightmares, I’ve been anxiety shitting and living with aimless terror.
Today I’m enraged.
I’m angry on multiple fronts. Last night I wrote this poem because I had to remember that’s what I know how to do.
Now I need to talk about something else entirely.
This is a real bad time for so called progressives to be abusing POC creators. Don’t ask us to contribute for free. Don’t ask us to continue to do the heavy lifting. Don’t turn to use to teach you how to fight, how to organize or where to pitch your bullshit.
Already just today I’ve had to fend off queries from folks who admire me and my work and my social justice warrior shit and who love me so much and value me so much, they want me to work for them for free. They want me to give what amounts to consults and talks and special writing and help placing their own work about this clusterfuck of a moment and offer zero compensation.
I woke up to several emails from different white people who are these type of fans. Not one of them offered me anything in return.
Not boosts for my various funding links.
Not a fucking Uber.
People in my direct community are terrified. Trans kids have been harming themselves. Friends who are in similar or worse financial straits as I am, have been questioning the purpose of them continuing to live and these mother fuckers want me to lean the fuck in?
White women, especially I’m talking to you right now.
How. Dare. You.
How DARE you try so hard to co-opt the struggles of MY foremothers the DAY after all you could talk about were your White Suffragette faves.
How DARE you disrespect us and expect us to come running to work for you for free.
We are not your goddamn mules.
We did not make this happen.
This post was partially spurred by my friend Wagatwe Sara Wanjuki. This happened to her today as well.
Now, any time people ask me to do shit for free, there is a process I go through to figure it out.
I will generally consider it more heavily from POC and Queer folks. For instance, when Yellow Chair offered space for WOC I jumped. I needed that. Offering space is something a lot of us need.
That is entirely different than one email I got in particular urging me to come lead some folks and make space for them and basically hold their hands and lead them to the promised land. They wanted my time, my work (work done just for them), step into a position of some type of instructor/mentor/Sweet Negress- I mean overall the outlined “position” was a fuck ton of fucking work.
If I did that, it would amount to probably a good 18-25 hours a week of unpaid work on top of my 12 hour dayjob.
I didn’t even count meatspace time.
Now, I dunno about y’all but I work on a limited number of spoons this is unreasonable.
Beyond that, this person and I are acquainted. Well we were, she blocked me on social media after I let her know how inappropriate her ask is. She KNOWS my situation in life. She KNOWS how hard I need to hustle to both survive AND create.
She used that whole well solidarity and racism is bad…yo.
You want to fight the good fight? Fucking fund it.
Look at my friend Wagatwe’s project here. You want to do some good? Stop giving your money to big ass faceless shit. Put up or shut the fuck up.
We (I will speak for Wagatwe here as well) have been doing the work. We are struggling so fucking hard, her in many similar and different ways than me.
And you have the gall to demand we show you solidarity?
Bitches can’t eat love or adoration or admiration.
We gotta eat.
So you know what? Don’t ask us to be your mule for solidarity.
Pay us what we’re worth.Go to Wagatwe’s facebook page and say, I value your work where do I send my money?
Don’t have money? Boost the FUCK out of our stuff. Help get us paid.
I will refer you to my recent post about helping me get funding.
Y’all I’m so tired.
I’m terrified. As much as I usually am. I’m disappointed mostly.
And I feel disrespected and like somebody (more than one right now) is trying to take advantage of my nature and you know what? No. Fuck out of here with that bullshit.